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LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is a EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such.E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is a EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such.E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place. FLUOXETIN HYDROCHLORIDE "I love you, like I love the sunrise in the morning I miss you, like I miss the water when I'm burning I didn't mean to hurt you, the words just came out wrong"E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is aE N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is aE N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
"NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
FLUOXETIN HYDROCHLORIDE "I love you, like I love the sunrise in the morning I miss you, like I miss the water when I'm burning I didn't mean to hurt you, the words just came out wrong" "I KNOW, I KNOW FOR SURE THAT LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AROUND THE The economists say it's happening again, the people are worried. We're worried because we're the ones who have to pay it. "If there's one thing to learn from history it's that no one learns anything from history." I'm worried, even if it's very unlikely I'll get into trouble even if there is a depression but it makes me worried becausethere
E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is aE N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
E N I G M A
>00. Portal Welcome to a storage space of flown away days, dried out ink of written words, where thoughts are constantly flying from here to the moon avoiding sunlight. Expect to be confused, expect to feel blues, expect to feel the cold of the Autumn rain, expect a witch who does own a broom but who does not dance with the devil, even he wouldlove to.
LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .E N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist » Quotes "Thoughts swimming in the skull, converted in a group of letters.Could be yours too. " Inspiration waited to be used in a poem which was never the case. ** Life is aE N I G M A
>02. Exhibitionist She's supposed to be a woman though sometimes she thinks she could be a boy too or simply aseksual or nothing. She is a complexed being who has herself confused often, and thinks if she doesn't make sense, others definitely won't find any sense in her.E N I G M A
>03. Frustrations Sometimes I think I don't deserve death. The ultimate punishment I deserve was to endure all that life brought. Death didn't have such. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.E N I G M A
>05. Histories Where stupidities reside. Forgive my forgetfulness and mistakes. I am emotionally and mentally handicapt. I'm an imperfect imperfection, never able to find her place. "NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably.I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
"NEW BEGINNING AGAIN, A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO THE END." These are letters that I never sent and probably never will. I will get more of them up, eventually. Probably. EPISODE I: "WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME FOR A MASS-MURDER SUICIDE." EPISODE I: "What a Wonderful Time for a Mass-Murder Suicide." 4:49 pm, February 12, 1996. Winter had hit the town hard that year. They would later describe it as possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving ever. The cold sank through the roads and fields and houses, and you could almost see the snow building up on the horizon.LEENA - ASHSPACE
Leena. Leena Tuulikki S. 1980 - 2001. "D eath isn't a sad thing. Not to me anyway. I feel better when i think of dying. It feels so right, in a way and every time I start to angst about it, I only need a reminder that everyone dies. Everyone has died and everyone will die. It makes me feel safe, almost . . .I MEAN THIS.
31.3.2000 . I found myself thinking today: "I loved him." It sounded so true, so convincing. I loved him. Maybe I did. I always wondered ifI did.
"HOWEVER HARD I TRY, I CRAWL WHEN I SHOULD FLY" I have a road-map carved in my arm. At first I didn't understand why but then I realized it was there to show me which way to go. Letters.Journal entries
FLUOXETIN HYDROCHLORIDE "I love you, like I love the sunrise in the morning I miss you, like I miss the water when I'm burning I didn't mean to hurt you, the words just came out wrong" "I KNOW, I KNOW FOR SURE THAT LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AROUND THE The economists say it's happening again, the people are worried. We're worried because we're the ones who have to pay it. "If there's one thing to learn from history it's that no one learns anything from history." I'm worried, even if it's very unlikely I'll get into trouble even if there is a depression but it makes me worried becausethere
ASHSPACE.ORG
Sorry you're here, as they say. This domain serves to collect a few resources that may be of interest to ASHERS: people involved with the ALT.SUICIDE.HOLIDAY newsgroup and its numerous offshoots, generally concerned with the individual'sright to die.
Documents on this site are provided for reference only. If you are actively suicidal, you should explore all your options, including options like not dying, or getting psychiatric support. In particular, do not assume that any information on medical matters or suicide methods is necessarily accurate; it is hard to compile such information in a society that opposes suicide, and much is hearsay. If you want to publish something here, or to archive an ash-related site that is no longer active (including personal Web sites of ashers), that might be possible: contact the site maintainer.
WHAT IS HERE?
ARCHIVES
Here's an archive of the original ash Web site that existed from 1993 to 2002 under various maintainers, most memorably at ASH.XANTHIA.COM. The archive is somewhat out of date, with many broken links, and will no longer be updated. It is preserved here for historical purposes. There is also an archive of #alt.suicide.bus.stop (or ASBS), which used to consist of a moderated Web forum at ASHBUSSTOP.ORG and an IRC channel on its own private network, but eventually closed down in 2008. And here is the alt.suicide.methods reference , "a practical guide tosuicide".
CONTRIBUTIONS
* Carthago deleta: Living as a Suicidal: In Defense of ash * StudenteFallito: Message about detergent suicide * P— S— wrote to me in May 2018: "I would like my e-mail . Regular over-the-counter drugs are absolutely fucking terrible to kill yourself with. You need copious amounts of the drug and that's _if_ it works. If it doesn't work it's just so painful. If you choose to poison yourself, do it right. Going with paracetamol is one of the dumbest decisions to make; just because it's available doesn't mean it's the best option to off yourselfwith."
PERSONAL WEB SITES
* Leena , d. 18 October 2001. * Enigma , d? November 2005.* Aestival
*
WHAT ASH-DESCENDED COMMUNITIES EXIST? Here are the ones I've heard of that still seem to be around. I cannot vouch for the extent to which they follow (or even know about) the traditional ash ethos. (Note: this section is probably a bit absurdly out of date by now. Sorry.) Bear in mind that suicide discussion groups, because of their emotional nature, are a particularly easy target for "trolls", or online troublemakers. * The original alt.suicide.holiday newsgroup (not accessible through Google Groups any more; use a newsreader program). * The alt.suicide.methods newsgroup (accessible through Google Groupsif you don't
have a newsreader).
* ASH-L , a
moderated, non-archived e-mail discussion list inspired by thenewsgroup.
* Chronic Suicide Support , a moderated Web forum with a Web-based chat room. * asbusstop.net (formerly the Mad Season IRC network). Live chat is possible here. * #ALT.SUICIDE.HOLIDAY and #SUICIDE.BUS.STOP, IRC channels on the public DALnet network, not to be confused with the older #ALT.SUICIDE.BUS.STOP. Apparently not very active. ------------------------- Last update to this page: Sep 13 2018.Details
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