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Q&A RATINGS TAKE HIT AS NATION GROWS TIRED OF WATCHING CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT ABC’s iconic panel-argument show Q&A has experienced a huge slump in ratings for 2021, according to the outdated method of surveying a sample size of 1000 Australians for extremely valuable commercial TV data. Many in the Ultimo Kremlin are arguing that this can all be put down to the decision to shift Q+Afrom Monday
DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE TRILLION DOLLAR BAILOUT FOR HEDGE FUNDS WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT. Joe Biden has today announced a giant package to help those who have fallen upon tougher times. The new President has revealed a trillion-dollar bailout for the Hedge Funds negatively affected by the GameStop Financial Crisis (GFC) and wasted little time in assuring Wall Street that the new administration has his full support. "WELL THANK GOODNESS THAT'S ALL OVER!" SAYS WHITE AMERICA Chauvin, who pinned Mr Floyd to the ground with his knee during an arrest last May, was found guilty on all three charges against him — second-degree murder, third-degree murder and manslaughter — and could be sent to prison for decades when he faces sentencing in twomonths.
CHINESE MILITARY DROP CLAIMS TO SOUTH CHINA SEA AFTER WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world is breathing a huge sigh of relief today, after reports the Chinese military is relinquishing its claim to the South China Sea. That massive pressure valve release comes after the Chinese President Xi Jinping was shown videos of Australia’s elite Twerk Division doing their thing. It’s believed that after being shown BULLDOGS PLAN TO WIN GAME IN ULTIMATE MAGIC ROUND SORCERY LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Hold on to your witch hats, because the Canterbury Bulldogs have revealed a whimsical wazoo of a plan ahead of the coveted NRL Magic Round. According to inside sources, Canterbury head coach/arch warlock Trent Barrett has forged a powerful amulet using blood magic and halfback tears that should see his Bulldogs actually win PAUL KEATING PASSES AWAY MID-INTERVIEW AFTER BEING ASKED He then went limp in the chair and sadly passed away. Mr Rowland then directed his question to a visibly shaken and appalled Alan Kohler, who was off camera in the middle of eating lunch when he saw Mr Keating expire in front of him. INSPIRED BY AUSTRALIA DAY, THE IRISH HOST THEIR FIRST EVER CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The famous rock ballad ‘Zombie’ was the first ever song with a female vocalist to reach one billion views on YouTube – and it hasn’t left the top ten charts in Thailand since it was released in 1994. The Cranberries hit isremembered as “a
REPORT: AMERICA IS FUCKED JAYDEN JAYNE | World News | CONTACT America is fucked, it has been confirmed. These findings were released today after a recent report from literally everyone else in the world who are currently sitting back watching the empire crumble with dropped jaws. The study has found that not only is America fucked, but they are also unbelievablydelusional
THE BETOOTA ADVOCATE The Betoota Advocate Podcast. A weekly dissection of the Australian zeitgeist with high profile Australian guests. Clancy Overell and Errol Parker, editors of the explicitly raw but iconic Outback Australian newspaper known as The Betoota Advocate report fiercely – without fear or favour. BETOOTA ADVOCATE STORE The official website of Betoota Outfitters PTY. Makers of bespokegoods since 1925.
Q&A RATINGS TAKE HIT AS NATION GROWS TIRED OF WATCHING CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT ABC’s iconic panel-argument show Q&A has experienced a huge slump in ratings for 2021, according to the outdated method of surveying a sample size of 1000 Australians for extremely valuable commercial TV data. Many in the Ultimo Kremlin are arguing that this can all be put down to the decision to shift Q+Afrom Monday
DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE TRILLION DOLLAR BAILOUT FOR HEDGE FUNDS WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT. Joe Biden has today announced a giant package to help those who have fallen upon tougher times. The new President has revealed a trillion-dollar bailout for the Hedge Funds negatively affected by the GameStop Financial Crisis (GFC) and wasted little time in assuring Wall Street that the new administration has his full support. "WELL THANK GOODNESS THAT'S ALL OVER!" SAYS WHITE AMERICA Chauvin, who pinned Mr Floyd to the ground with his knee during an arrest last May, was found guilty on all three charges against him — second-degree murder, third-degree murder and manslaughter — and could be sent to prison for decades when he faces sentencing in twomonths.
CHINESE MILITARY DROP CLAIMS TO SOUTH CHINA SEA AFTER WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world is breathing a huge sigh of relief today, after reports the Chinese military is relinquishing its claim to the South China Sea. That massive pressure valve release comes after the Chinese President Xi Jinping was shown videos of Australia’s elite Twerk Division doing their thing. It’s believed that after being shown BULLDOGS PLAN TO WIN GAME IN ULTIMATE MAGIC ROUND SORCERY LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Hold on to your witch hats, because the Canterbury Bulldogs have revealed a whimsical wazoo of a plan ahead of the coveted NRL Magic Round. According to inside sources, Canterbury head coach/arch warlock Trent Barrett has forged a powerful amulet using blood magic and halfback tears that should see his Bulldogs actually win PAUL KEATING PASSES AWAY MID-INTERVIEW AFTER BEING ASKED He then went limp in the chair and sadly passed away. Mr Rowland then directed his question to a visibly shaken and appalled Alan Kohler, who was off camera in the middle of eating lunch when he saw Mr Keating expire in front of him. INSPIRED BY AUSTRALIA DAY, THE IRISH HOST THEIR FIRST EVER CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The famous rock ballad ‘Zombie’ was the first ever song with a female vocalist to reach one billion views on YouTube – and it hasn’t left the top ten charts in Thailand since it was released in 1994. The Cranberries hit isremembered as “a
REPORT: AMERICA IS FUCKED JAYDEN JAYNE | World News | CONTACT America is fucked, it has been confirmed. These findings were released today after a recent report from literally everyone else in the world who are currently sitting back watching the empire crumble with dropped jaws. The study has found that not only is America fucked, but they are also unbelievablydelusional
BREAKING NEWS
The Betoota Advocate is one of the leading providers of Australian-centric news and content across the country. With access to over 4 million readers per month, and often more, we provide opportunities to add value to different brands across the country who are interested. Opportunities exist across website, brand awareness,podcasts, social
WESTERN CULTURE MAKES SEAMLESS TRANSITION BACK TO EVERYONE CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The anti-smoking movement has taken a real blow with the rise of these cute little pieces of colourful steel and plastic. This comes as the World Health Organization’s Framework Convention on Tobacco Control is gradually undermined in all of the countries they had previously succeeded to promote nicotine cessation. In 2019, nearly 14 RENEWABLE SECTOR ON THE VERGE OF MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH AFTER 1 day ago · “If you apply Game Theory to the clean energy market, there is a case for coal to answer to,” he explained. “So, uh, there’s that.” Mr Taylor’s phone started ringing; his ringtone is ‘Brandy‘ by 70’s softrock band Looking Glass. “Christ alive, it’s Gina Rinehart. PEOPLE SMUGGLERS DEFEATED AS AUSSIE-BORN TODDLER DEVELOPS CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT STRONG BORDERS! The youngest girl of the only family detained on Christmas Island has been diagnosed with sepsis, in a fatal blow for people smugglers. Tharnicaa (3) was flown to Perth yesterday for urgent treatment, after weeks of Immigration staff ignoring her pleas for medical attention. Her parents Nadesalingam and Priya had lived BETOOTA ADVOCATE STORE The official website of Betoota Outfitters PTY. Makers of bespokegoods since 1925.
MILLENNIALS DEALT A FURTHER BLOW AFTER SCIENCE DECLARES ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact. Science continues to spit in the face of God this week as they announce that Millennials and generations younger will probably have to suffer the indignity of living to be 120 years old. BRISBANE TO ADD GENDER REVEAL BURNOUTS EVENT IF OLYMPICS LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As bidding for the rights to host the 2032 Olympics continues, the Queensland capital Brisbane looks a likely shot at hosting the games, proving that nowhere else must be remotely interested in the world sporting event. Several studies have also suggested hosting the Olympics is rarely profitable, seldom resulting in lasting infrastructure and REPORT: AMERICA IS FUCKED JAYDEN JAYNE | World News | CONTACT America is fucked, it has been confirmed. These findings were released today after a recent report from literally everyone else in the world who are currently sitting back watching the empire crumble with dropped jaws. The study has found that not only is America fucked, but they are also unbelievablydelusional
BUCKINGHAM PALACE: MEGHAN BY FAR NASTIEST ROYAL SINCE Nicknamed Bloody Mary by the vast numbers of protestants that she slaughtered and burnt at the stake for refusing to convert back from the religion her father had converted to in the first place – only this week has the notorious Queen had her legacy the biggest bitch GUN ENTHUSIASTS OUTRAGED AS JOE BIDEN PLACES RESTRICTIONS FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT US President Joe Biden has enraged American gun enthusiasts with new restrictions on several popular types of surface-to-air missiles. Under the revolutionary new rules, those with a history of psychiatric episodes, who are currently incarcerated, who have previously been incarcerated for a violent firearms offence or who are under the age of 10__
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LABOR COMMITS TO BLACK LIVES MATTER MOVEMENT BY POINTING OUT THAT ALBO HAS A RABBITOHS JERSEY8 June 2020
PLANET EARTH STARTING TO NOTICE A PATTERN OF RICH WHITE BOYS GOING MISSING DURING A CRISISThe Nation
MAGIC OF SYDNEY GAMES OFFICIALLY DIES AS HIPSTER WALKS INTO THE PUB WEARING A VOLUNTEER POLOBreaking News
UNCLE TONY ALSO TIPPED TO WIN NOBEL PRIZE FOR SELFLESS PROTECTION OF REFUGEES AND ENVIRONMENTBREAKING NEWS
Breaking News
UNCLE TONY ALSO TIPPED TO WIN NOBEL PRIZE FOR SELFLESS PROTECTION OF REFUGEES AND ENVIRONMENT8 June 2020
Breaking News
SCOTTY FROM MARKETING GOES OFF SCRIPT AND ACCIDENTALLY REFERS TO HOMEBUILDER AS HOMEBOOMER5 June 2020
Breaking News
OLD CODGERS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CANING IT ON FIRST DAY BACK IN THEGLASS CANOE
1 June 2020
Breaking News
ALAN JONES REMINDS LISTENERS THEY CAN STILL FIND HIM ON ONLYFANS29 May 2020
Breaking News
INDEPENDENT SYDNEY BUILDING CERTIFIER ACCIDENTALLY SIGNS OFF ON HISKIDS JENGA TOWER
27 May 2020
Breaking News
WE INTERVIEW THE ‘BIG FARMER’ AT THE CENTRE OF THE ANTI-VAXXERCONSPIRACY THEORIES
26 May 2020
BETOOTA PODCAST
THE BETOOTA ADVOCATE PODCAST A weekly dissection of the Australian zeitgeist with high profile Australian guests. Clancy Overell and Errol Parker, editors of the explicitly raw but iconic Outback Australian newspaper known as The Betoota Advocate report fiercely – without fear or favour.IN-FOCUS
RE-EMPLOYED BARTENDERS BRACE FOR WAVE OF VERY LOW-QUALITY CORONA JOKES29 May 2020
FAVOURITE CHILD DEBATE PUT TO BED WITH MIXING BOWL LICKING RIGHTS25 May 2020
STIR CRAZY WOMAN FIGHTS IMPULSIVE 3AM THOUGHTS TO CUT FRINGE INBATHROOM
6 May 2020
BLOKE WHO PUNTS ON MID WEEK RURAL GOAT TRACKS SEARCHES FOR CHEAPESTFUEL IN 50KM RADIUS
5 May 2020
MUM SOMEHOW MANAGES TO DOWNLOAD CORONAVIRUS ONTO FAMILY COMPUTER3 May 2020
POLITIC
PM: “KILLING UNARMED BLACK MEN IS ONE THING, BUT DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH THE SUNRISE CAMERAMAN!”2 June 2020
“KOBE!” YELLS SCOTTY FROM MARKETING AS HE SHOOTS BUSHFIRE ROYAL COMMISSION REPORTS INTO BIN27 May 2020
INBRED FERAL BRUMBY QUITE FLATTERED TO BE KEY ELECTION ISSUE IN BUSHFIRE RAVAGED EDEN-MONARO25 May 2020
GEORGE CHRISTENSEN BREAKS PB FOR MOST CONSECUTIVE TIME SPENT INELECTORATE
7 May 2020
NATION LEFT UTTERLY DEVASTATED BY TRAGIC CANCELLATION OF LOGIE AWARDS29 April 2020
SPORTS
BRISBANE NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD AYE5 June 2020
SEASON RETURN OF AFL TO FEATURE VIRTUAL BOO SOUNDS WHENEVER ABORIGINAL PLAYERS TOUCH THE BALL4 June 2020
SYDNEY ROOSTERS DISTRACTED BY FAKE CROWD NOISE30 May 2020
FOX SPORTS SPECULATE WHETHER LATRELL WILL BE ABLE TO PLAY A FULL MATCH WITHOUT NEEDING OXYGEN29 May 2020
PETER V’LANDYS UNABLE TO MAKE KICK-OFF FOR SEASON RETURN DUE TONEPHEW’S BAPTISM
28 May 2020
NRL STARS WELCOME RETURN TO NORMAL SEX LIFE AFTER GOVERNMENT ALLOW GATHERINGS OF UP TO TEN28 May 2020
THE NATION
MAGIC OF SYDNEY GAMES OFFICIALLY DIES AS HIPSTER WALKS INTO THE PUB WEARING A VOLUNTEER POLO SCOMO ASKS NZ IF THEY’D BE COOL BUYING $80BN WORTH OF IRON ORE IF CHINA WALKS AWAY FROM US SYDNEY BLACK LIVES MATTER MARCH TO MINIMISE RISK OF COVID-19 WITH HILLSONG GUITARIST ON STAGE “FUCK PARKING RANGERS!” SAYS MAN INCAPABLE OF READING A PARKINGSIGN
CONFUSION AFTER STATIONERY STORE HAS MOVING SALE “TIME TO TRY A MULLET THEN” SAYS BLOKE WHOSE DEFACTO LEFT HIM TWOMINUTES AGO
LOCAL NEWS
MANLET KIDDING HIMSELF IF HE THINKS HE’S NOT GETTING THE MIDDLE SEAT “YOU AREN’T EVEN LISTENING, ARE YOU?” ASKS WIFE ABOUT SOMETHING HALF ROLLED BAG OF ROTTING SPINACH MIGHT STILL COME IN HANDY YET “I’M JUST SO GLAD WE DON’T HAVE THAT OVER HERE” SAYS WOMAN WHO THINKS PALM ISLAND IS IN DUBAI LOCAL TRUCKIE BEGINS EXCITING JOURNEY INTO SELF-EMPLOYMENT WITH PURPLEFLAME PAINT JOB
PUB REGULARS ASKED TO SIGN PLEDGE TO DRINK AT LEAST 20 BEERS EACH TO MAKE REOPENING FEASIBLEWORLD NEWS
PLANET EARTH STARTING TO NOTICE A PATTERN OF RICH WHITE BOYS GOING MISSING DURING A CRISIS8 June 2020
TRUMP TELLS SUPPORTERS HE’S GONNA NEED ANOTHER 4 YEARS TO REALLY MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN7 June 2020
LINK ESTABLISHED BETWEEN PEAKED BEANIES AND THINKING BLACK LIVES MATTERS IS AN ATTACK ON YOU7 June 2020
WOMAN’S LATEST WAVE OF ANXIETY EITHER FROM 2ND COFFEE OR COLLAPSE OF WESTERN CIVILISATION5 June 2020
“STEALING FROM YOUR OWN COMMUNITIES IS NOT THE SOLUTION,” SAYSPOLITICIAN
5 June 2020
ANTI-FASCIST PUNK TAKES BREAK FROM SMOKING BONGS IN GRANDMA’S BASEMENT TO MASTERMIND RACE RIOT2 June 2020
COVID-19 DECIDES TO GO EASY ON AMERICA BECAUSE OF ALL THEIR CIVILUNREST
1 June 2020
OPPONENTS OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS NOW RATHER VOCAL ADVOCATES FOR IT AFTER A COUPLE CAR FIRES31 May 2020
TRUMP CLARIFIES THE DIRECT THREAT HE MADE ABOUT SHOOTING PROTESTORS WAS MORE A VAGUE THREAT31 May 2020
UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS IDENTIFIED AS UFOS IN NEW FOOTAGE30 May 2020
RIOTERS RUIN THEIR CHANCES OF WORKING FOR $6 AN HOUR WITH NO HEALTHCARE BY DESTROYING TARGET30 May 2020
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