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EVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
HOW DO I ANSWER “WHY HAVEN’T YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?” It doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of freezing up or getting angry, try making peace with your past. Once you’ve done so — instead of beating yourself up for being in this position — you can answer authentically, with a smile: “That’s a great question. For years, I think I put my career first. WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO SHOW AFFECTION. SERIOUSLY. New study confirms what we’ve already observed. Men respond to women who show their physical interest in them on a first date. Women are turned off by men who show their physical interest on a first date. The short version of this is that women like men who play it cool and that men like women who make them feel good – interesting MY BOYFRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH ME, BUT I’M NOT SURE I’M IN People fall “in love”, get married, and get divorced even though they “just knew” they were “soulmates”. What I’m suggesting — per Erich Fromm — is that being “in love” is clearly not enough to sustain a relationship. Being “in love” is just a feeling, like getting drunk or WHY CERTAIN MEN WILL NEVER DO WELL WITH WOMEN Sound advice. I like this! It makes sense because this is what happens in real life. Let me even expand a bit. The problem isn’t in dating ideals, but in role ideals, The woman who wants career equality and fairness is the one who will suffer the most because she seems most outside the acceptable modicum for a working/successful relationship until she is impregnated with a child. MY BOYFRIEND SHARES AN APARTMENT WITH HIS EX BUT SAYS IT’S The answer seems pretty obvious to me. And who knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. That should be something for you to think about, instead of stewing in your own juices that this guy is sacrificing for someone he cares about but is no longer dating. WHY ARE WOMEN ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN AND WANT TO DATE THEM? This is the most compelling reason why younger women might be attracted to older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man is going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess — the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up. MEN ARE MOST ATTRACTED TO 20 YEAR OLD WOMEN. SO WHAT? The first is that most men find 20-something women attractive and so what; that doesn’t mean most men are going to fall in love and build a life with these women. The second: a minority of the 40- and 50-something men do chase the much-youngerEVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
HOW DO I ANSWER “WHY HAVEN’T YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?” It doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of freezing up or getting angry, try making peace with your past. Once you’ve done so — instead of beating yourself up for being in this position — you can answer authentically, with a smile: “That’s a great question. For years, I think I put my career first. WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO SHOW AFFECTION. SERIOUSLY. New study confirms what we’ve already observed. Men respond to women who show their physical interest in them on a first date. Women are turned off by men who show their physical interest on a first date. The short version of this is that women like men who play it cool and that men like women who make them feel good – interesting MY BOYFRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH ME, BUT I’M NOT SURE I’M IN People fall “in love”, get married, and get divorced even though they “just knew” they were “soulmates”. What I’m suggesting — per Erich Fromm — is that being “in love” is clearly not enough to sustain a relationship. Being “in love” is just a feeling, like getting drunk or WHY CERTAIN MEN WILL NEVER DO WELL WITH WOMEN Sound advice. I like this! It makes sense because this is what happens in real life. Let me even expand a bit. The problem isn’t in dating ideals, but in role ideals, The woman who wants career equality and fairness is the one who will suffer the most because she seems most outside the acceptable modicum for a working/successful relationship until she is impregnated with a child. MY BOYFRIEND SHARES AN APARTMENT WITH HIS EX BUT SAYS IT’S The answer seems pretty obvious to me. And who knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. That should be something for you to think about, instead of stewing in your own juices that this guy is sacrificing for someone he cares about but is no longer dating. WHY ARE WOMEN ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN AND WANT TO DATE THEM? This is the most compelling reason why younger women might be attracted to older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man is going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess — the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up. MEN ARE MOST ATTRACTED TO 20 YEAR OLD WOMEN. SO WHAT? The first is that most men find 20-something women attractive and so what; that doesn’t mean most men are going to fall in love and build a life with these women. The second: a minority of the 40- and 50-something men do chase the much-younger I'M A LITTLE LONELY. MOST MEN ARE REALLY LONELY. Look no further than the loneliness epidemic, which has quietly swept across America, and is slowly destroying our male population. Disconnected men have no social contact, no warmth, no support, no touch, no one to celebrate successes, no shoulder to lean on during tough times. It’s terribly sad and relatively unreported. MY FIANCÉ HAS MONEY AND TREATS ME WELL, BUT HE’S SOOOO As I’ve said before, many women don’t appreciate the difference between being cheap and being poor. If he makes less than $50,000, pretty much ANYTHING he does for you is generous. However, your guy isn’t poor. He’s rich, and yet you don’t feel he is generous of spirit. That really sucks when you’re facing a lifetime together. I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP BUT SOMETHING’S MISSING Matt. Matt, Your question doesn’t reveal your age, but I’m going to guess 26 because you referred to your girlfriend as “a girl” instead of a woman. At 26 you may or may not have had a lot of dating or sexual experience. At 26, you may or may not have had any career success. At 26, your brain has finally finished maturing. WHY WOULD A MAN COMMIT TO ME AND THEN CHANGE HIS MIND? Occam’s Razor is the problem-solving principle that, when presented with competing hypothetical answers to a problem, one should select the one that makes the fewest assumptions. Your assumption: “I’m a great catch; men must not want great catches!” is absurd. Men really do like laid-back and independent women. HOW DO I SURVIVE THE FRUSTRATION OF ONLINE DATING? Online, you’re ALWAYS meeting men. Your ad is live for 24 hours a day for men to approach you, and if you log on for 20-30 minutes each day to reply and reach out to one new guy, your social life will instantly pop. None of this changes the quality of men, the quality of how they market themselves, and the quality of their interaction —all
SHOULD I BRING UP “ARE WE EXCLUSIVE” OR JUST LET IT HAPPEN? 3. Don’t leave any daylight between exclusive and boyfriend. They’re one and the same. Sometimes, when women who are new at “sexclusivity” bring it up to their men, they say something like, “So I just want to make sure you’re not sleeping with anybody else right now.”. The guy says, “Nope. MEN AND WOMEN VIEW SEXUAL ASSAULT DIFFERENTLY 38% of women (and 27% of men) feel that rape took place if either party was intoxicated but expressed interest when sober. Even if 99% of rape claims are true, we have to be just as hypervigilant about protecting the 1% of men who are falsely accused. They, too are victims. Maybe I’m misreading it, but it sounds like any sex underthe
GIVING UP ON DATING: 9 SIGNS YOU NEED TO TAKE A 3. You’re dating desperately. Nobody wants to be alone. Nobody wants to hear her biological clock ticking. Nobody wants to operate from a place of fear, scarcity and desperation. Yet, it’s all too common. When you’re feeling sad, lonely, needy or unloveable, it’s easy to look for love from a place of sheer panic. HOW DO I GET A GUY TO MAKE A MOVE AFTER I REJECTED HIM ONCE? 1) Men do what they want. So if a guy is your boyfriend, he says he loves you, he calls you nearly every day, and then one time, he texts you, “Not now. I don’t feel like talking,” it doesn’t mean that he suddenly fell out of love with you, met someone else, and is MY BOYFRIEND HAS A HISTORY OF SLEEPING WITH PROSTITUTES I met a man online last year who has treated me wonderfully. He is everything my ex’s have not been. He treats my child as his own. He is transparent (opens all accounts, phones, computers), honest, loyal,caring.
EVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. WHY STEREOTYPES ARE (PARTIALLY BUT NOT TOTALLY) TRUE In many cases, the stereotype is spot on. In plenty of cases, it’s not. That’s why we judge people as individuals, not as groups. But that doesn’t mean we are never allowed to invoke stereotypes like “Men are more likely to inflict violence than women,” or “Women are more likely to have a wide network of friendships in middle age SHOULD I BRING UP “ARE WE EXCLUSIVE” OR JUST LET IT HAPPEN? 3. Don’t leave any daylight between exclusive and boyfriend. They’re one and the same. Sometimes, when women who are new at “sexclusivity” bring it up to their men, they say something like, “So I just want to make sure you’re not sleeping with anybody else right now.”. The guy says, “Nope. WHY CERTAIN MEN WILL NEVER DO WELL WITH WOMEN Sound advice. I like this! It makes sense because this is what happens in real life. Let me even expand a bit. The problem isn’t in dating ideals, but in role ideals, The woman who wants career equality and fairness is the one who will suffer the most because she seems most outside the acceptable modicum for a working/successful relationship until she is impregnated with a child. MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO CHANGE HOW I DRESS AND MORE. WHAT I’ll add to EMK’s advice to RUN. My point of view is RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Note the guy says “if he was in a serious relationship with someone the way I dress would need to change and Facebook cleaned out.” The strong message is he doesn’t regard the present relationship as serious and he doesn’t want a serious relationship with the OP as she is. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A GUY TALKS ABOUT HIMSELF ALL THE TIME? Don’t wait for an invitation from him. Just listen to him tell you about his timeshare in Puerto Rico, and then bring up your tales from Costa Rica. If you’re a good storyteller, he may even want to ask a question about it. (Or, more likely, start telling you about his upcoming trip to the Bahamas). I WANT MORE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE This is a question that is a response to ‘My Girlfriend Wants to Get More Sexual “Experience” Before Getting Engaged.What Should I Do?’ My question is coming from the standpoint as the girlfriend. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 28. WHY ARE WOMEN ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN AND WANT TO DATE THEM? This is the most compelling reason why younger women might be attracted to older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man is going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess — the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.EVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. WHY STEREOTYPES ARE (PARTIALLY BUT NOT TOTALLY) TRUE In many cases, the stereotype is spot on. In plenty of cases, it’s not. That’s why we judge people as individuals, not as groups. But that doesn’t mean we are never allowed to invoke stereotypes like “Men are more likely to inflict violence than women,” or “Women are more likely to have a wide network of friendships in middle age SHOULD I BRING UP “ARE WE EXCLUSIVE” OR JUST LET IT HAPPEN? 3. Don’t leave any daylight between exclusive and boyfriend. They’re one and the same. Sometimes, when women who are new at “sexclusivity” bring it up to their men, they say something like, “So I just want to make sure you’re not sleeping with anybody else right now.”. The guy says, “Nope. WHY CERTAIN MEN WILL NEVER DO WELL WITH WOMEN Sound advice. I like this! It makes sense because this is what happens in real life. Let me even expand a bit. The problem isn’t in dating ideals, but in role ideals, The woman who wants career equality and fairness is the one who will suffer the most because she seems most outside the acceptable modicum for a working/successful relationship until she is impregnated with a child. MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO CHANGE HOW I DRESS AND MORE. WHAT I’ll add to EMK’s advice to RUN. My point of view is RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Note the guy says “if he was in a serious relationship with someone the way I dress would need to change and Facebook cleaned out.” The strong message is he doesn’t regard the present relationship as serious and he doesn’t want a serious relationship with the OP as she is. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A GUY TALKS ABOUT HIMSELF ALL THE TIME? Don’t wait for an invitation from him. Just listen to him tell you about his timeshare in Puerto Rico, and then bring up your tales from Costa Rica. If you’re a good storyteller, he may even want to ask a question about it. (Or, more likely, start telling you about his upcoming trip to the Bahamas). I WANT MORE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE This is a question that is a response to ‘My Girlfriend Wants to Get More Sexual “Experience” Before Getting Engaged.What Should I Do?’ My question is coming from the standpoint as the girlfriend. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 28. WHY ARE WOMEN ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN AND WANT TO DATE THEM? This is the most compelling reason why younger women might be attracted to older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man is going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess — the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up. I'M A LITTLE LONELY. MOST MEN ARE REALLY LONELY. Look no further than the loneliness epidemic, which has quietly swept across America, and is slowly destroying our male population. Disconnected men have no social contact, no warmth, no support, no touch, no one to celebrate successes, no shoulder to lean on during tough times. It’s terribly sad and relatively unreported. MY BOYFRIEND AND I CAN’T RESOLVE IMPORTANT ISSUES TOGETHER It’s like determining that you’re going to jump in the next pool you see, before asking whether there is, in fact, water in the pool. Or whether you’re 50 feet above the pool. Or whether the pool is frozen. Wise people don’t make decisions first and ask questions later. They ask questions first and make decisions based on thatinformation.
MEN ARE HONEST. YOU’RE JUST NOT LISTENING. I agree with Evan – men are honest if you listen, and you cannot re-interpret or mish-mash and twist what you hear. You just have to listen and be on the same page . If you are NOT, then yes someone will get hurt or you WILL feel used. You can’t hope to be on the same page down the road, you either are or you aren’t. HOW DO I GET A GUY TO MAKE A MOVE AFTER I REJECTED HIM ONCE? 1) Men do what they want. So if a guy is your boyfriend, he says he loves you, he calls you nearly every day, and then one time, he texts you, “Not now. I don’t feel like talking,” it doesn’t mean that he suddenly fell out of love with you, met someone else, and is I ASK QUESTIONS IN MY ONLINE DATING EMAILS, BUT THEY DON'T 9) My number is 555-1212. Newsflash: Women don’t like cold-calling strange men who offer their numbers on the Internet! 10) I hope to hear back from you soon Wishy-washy. Don’t put her up on a pedestal. 11) Sign your name! You sound creepy if you don’t warm it up with asignature.
GIVING UP ON DATING: 9 SIGNS YOU NEED TO TAKE A 3. You’re dating desperately. Nobody wants to be alone. Nobody wants to hear her biological clock ticking. Nobody wants to operate from a place of fear, scarcity and desperation. Yet, it’s all too common. When you’re feeling sad, lonely, needy or unloveable, it’s easy to look for love from a place of sheer panic. MEN AND WOMEN VIEW SEXUAL ASSAULT DIFFERENTLY 38% of women (and 27% of men) feel that rape took place if either party was intoxicated but expressed interest when sober. Even if 99% of rape claims are true, we have to be just as hypervigilant about protecting the 1% of men who are falsely accused. They, too are victims. Maybe I’m misreading it, but it sounds like any sex underthe
I FIND MOST MEN UNATTRACTIVE. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? I find the vast, vast, vast majority of men unattractive. Mostly it’s that I don’t have any physical attraction to them, but once in a while (about twice a year if I’m on a lot of dating sites, or once every few years if I’m not), I’ll meet someone I actually think is good looking (a hint here is that I find most celebrities physically unattractive, apparently my sex drive is picky IF A GUY HASN’T FINALIZED SATURDAY PLANS BY THURSDAY, AM I Yeah, this is my concept of “mirroring” run amok. Sorry about that, Why He Disappeared readers; it’s a LITTLE more nuanced than “do nothing.”. Even if a guy is confident, masculine, alpha and interested in you, that doesn’t mean you act indifferent towards him. Which is exactly what you did when you made other plans onSaturday
MEN ARE MOST ATTRACTED TO 20 YEAR OLD WOMEN. SO WHAT? The first is that most men find 20-something women attractive and so what; that doesn’t mean most men are going to fall in love and build a life with these women. The second: a minority of the 40- and 50-something men do chase the much-youngerEVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
SHOULD COUPLES KEEP SECRETS? BY DATING COACH EVAN MARC KATZ In theory, there shouldn’t be any secrets between spouses. In. I have been seeing a man I like and it’s getting serious. Then I encountered a vlog by a married woman saying you shouldn’t have any secrets between spouses and the disclosure should happen long beforeengagement.
WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. HOW DO I ANSWER “WHY HAVEN’T YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?”I HAVEN T BEEN ABLE TOI HAVEN T BEEN EVERYWHERE QUOTEI HAVEN T BEEN THERE SINCE It doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of freezing up or getting angry, try making peace with your past. Once you’ve done so — instead of beating yourself up for being in this position — you can answer authentically, with a smile: “That’s a great question. For years, I think I put my career first. HOW CAN I BE SURE I’M NOT HIS SECOND CHOICE?I WAS HER SECOND CHOICEQUOTES ABOUT BEING SECOND CHOICE Overthinking. Every once in awhile, I’d get a question that could be answered with one word: Overthinking. Since it took too long to write “overthinking” every time, I reduced it to “OT.”. It may sound a bit dismissive; that is not my intention. My job is to listen,process and advise.
I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP BUT SOMETHING’S MISSINGFEELING LIKE SOMETHING IS MISSINGSOMETHING IS MISSING LYRICSSOMETHING IS MISSING QUOTESTHERE IS SOMETHING MISSINGI MIGHT LIKE YOUMUSIC I MIGHT LIKE Matt. Matt, Your question doesn’t reveal your age, but I’m going to guess 26 because you referred to your girlfriend as “a girl” instead of a woman. At 26 you may or may not have had a lot of dating or sexual experience. At 26, you may or may not have had any career success. At 26, your brain has finally finished maturing. WHEN SHOULD HE CHANGE HIS STATUS TO “IN A RELATIONSHIP”?RELATIONSHIP STATUS SINGLERELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOKRELATIONSHIP STATUS OPTIONSTYPES OF RELATIONSHIP STATUSRELATIONSHIP STATUS LISTRELATIONSHIP STATUS MEANING If your boyfriend is aware of your feelings and ignoring them, he’s being selfish. See, a boyfriend’s job is to make you feel safe, make you feel heard, make you feel understood. And if you’re not crying wolf over every little thing he does, then your relationship should be pretty solid and drama-free. If he can’t click on a button to WHY WOULD A MAN COMMIT TO ME AND THEN CHANGE HIS MIND? Occam’s Razor is the problem-solving principle that, when presented with competing hypothetical answers to a problem, one should select the one that makes the fewest assumptions. Your assumption: “I’m a great catch; men must not want great catches!” is absurd. Men really do like laid-back and independent women. IF A GUY HASN’T FINALIZED SATURDAY PLANS BY THURSDAY, AM I Yeah, this is my concept of “mirroring” run amok. Sorry about that, Why He Disappeared readers; it’s a LITTLE more nuanced than “do nothing.”. Even if a guy is confident, masculine, alpha and interested in you, that doesn’t mean you act indifferent towards him. Which is exactly what you did when you made other plans onSaturday
EVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day. That’s more than 10,000 hours of coachingthat’s
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES Do you need dating advice or relationship advice? Dating coach Evan Marc Katz has answered 1000 reader questions on the #1 dating blog onthe internet.
SHOULD COUPLES KEEP SECRETS? BY DATING COACH EVAN MARC KATZ In theory, there shouldn’t be any secrets between spouses. In. I have been seeing a man I like and it’s getting serious. Then I encountered a vlog by a married woman saying you shouldn’t have any secrets between spouses and the disclosure should happen long beforeengagement.
WHAT MEN ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IN YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE 3. Make sure your stories have these three components: Specific and finite. A story takes place at one time. “I like hiking” is not a story. “I love singing karaoke” is not a story. “I do sweet things for the guy I love” is not a story. A story is a snapshot of an individual action at a single moment in time. HOW DO I ANSWER “WHY HAVEN’T YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?”I HAVEN T BEEN ABLE TOI HAVEN T BEEN EVERYWHERE QUOTEI HAVEN T BEEN THERE SINCE It doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of freezing up or getting angry, try making peace with your past. Once you’ve done so — instead of beating yourself up for being in this position — you can answer authentically, with a smile: “That’s a great question. For years, I think I put my career first. HOW CAN I BE SURE I’M NOT HIS SECOND CHOICE?I WAS HER SECOND CHOICEQUOTES ABOUT BEING SECOND CHOICE Overthinking. Every once in awhile, I’d get a question that could be answered with one word: Overthinking. Since it took too long to write “overthinking” every time, I reduced it to “OT.”. It may sound a bit dismissive; that is not my intention. My job is to listen,process and advise.
I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP BUT SOMETHING’S MISSINGFEELING LIKE SOMETHING IS MISSINGSOMETHING IS MISSING LYRICSSOMETHING IS MISSING QUOTESTHERE IS SOMETHING MISSINGI MIGHT LIKE YOUMUSIC I MIGHT LIKE Matt. Matt, Your question doesn’t reveal your age, but I’m going to guess 26 because you referred to your girlfriend as “a girl” instead of a woman. At 26 you may or may not have had a lot of dating or sexual experience. At 26, you may or may not have had any career success. At 26, your brain has finally finished maturing. WHEN SHOULD HE CHANGE HIS STATUS TO “IN A RELATIONSHIP”?RELATIONSHIP STATUS SINGLERELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOKRELATIONSHIP STATUS OPTIONSTYPES OF RELATIONSHIP STATUSRELATIONSHIP STATUS LISTRELATIONSHIP STATUS MEANING If your boyfriend is aware of your feelings and ignoring them, he’s being selfish. See, a boyfriend’s job is to make you feel safe, make you feel heard, make you feel understood. And if you’re not crying wolf over every little thing he does, then your relationship should be pretty solid and drama-free. If he can’t click on a button to WHY WOULD A MAN COMMIT TO ME AND THEN CHANGE HIS MIND? Occam’s Razor is the problem-solving principle that, when presented with competing hypothetical answers to a problem, one should select the one that makes the fewest assumptions. Your assumption: “I’m a great catch; men must not want great catches!” is absurd. Men really do like laid-back and independent women. IF A GUY HASN’T FINALIZED SATURDAY PLANS BY THURSDAY, AM I Yeah, this is my concept of “mirroring” run amok. Sorry about that, Why He Disappeared readers; it’s a LITTLE more nuanced than “do nothing.”. Even if a guy is confident, masculine, alpha and interested in you, that doesn’t mean you act indifferent towards him. Which is exactly what you did when you made other plans onSaturday
I HAVE TO CHOOSE: MY BOYFRIEND OR MY CAREER It is all about choices. I think about what my possible futures will look like and then choose based on my priorities. I focus on what makes me happy in the path I choose, and work to let go of the things I am giving up or can’t have. WHY STEREOTYPES ARE (PARTIALLY BUT NOT TOTALLY) TRUE In many cases, the stereotype is spot on. In plenty of cases, it’s not. That’s why we judge people as individuals, not as groups. But that doesn’t mean we are never allowed to invoke stereotypes like “Men are more likely to inflict violence than women,” or “Women are more likely to have a wide network of friendships in middle age MY BOYFRIEND SHARES AN APARTMENT WITH HIS EX BUT SAYS IT’S The answer seems pretty obvious to me. And who knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. That should be something for you to think about, instead of stewing in your own juices that this guy is sacrificing for someone he cares about but is no longer dating. IF A GUY HASN’T FINALIZED SATURDAY PLANS BY THURSDAY, AM I Yeah, this is my concept of “mirroring” run amok. Sorry about that, Why He Disappeared readers; it’s a LITTLE more nuanced than “do nothing.”. Even if a guy is confident, masculine, alpha and interested in you, that doesn’t mean you act indifferent towards him. Which is exactly what you did when you made other plans onSaturday
MY BOYFRIEND AND I CAN’T RESOLVE IMPORTANT ISSUES TOGETHER The problem lies in our expectations of the logistics or norms of relationships, like how often to have sex, how frequently to talk to each other while we’re doing a “middle distance” relationship, when to get engaged, etc. We have found that we have different conflict resolution styles (mine is to discuss and his, in his ownwords, is to
MY BOYFRIEND DOESN’T EARN MUCH MONEY. HOW DO I KNOW IF I So let’s sum up your story in a few lines: He doesn’t make much money. He doesn’t have savings. He works 70 hours a week. He is content with this. You are not. You want to have a baby and you have to figure things out soon. You don’t know if this situation will make you unhappy in the future. SHOULD I BRING UP “ARE WE EXCLUSIVE” OR JUST LET IT HAPPEN? 3. Don’t leave any daylight between exclusive and boyfriend. They’re one and the same. Sometimes, when women who are new at “sexclusivity” bring it up to their men, they say something like, “So I just want to make sure you’re not sleeping with anybody else right now.”. The guy says, “Nope. MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO SHOW AFFECTION. SERIOUSLY. New study confirms what we’ve already observed. Men respond to women who show their physical interest in them on a first date. Women are turned off by men who show their physical interest on a first date. The short version of this is that women like men who play it cool and that men like women who make them feel good – interesting MEN AND WOMEN VIEW SEXUAL ASSAULT DIFFERENTLY 38% of women (and 27% of men) feel that rape took place if either party was intoxicated but expressed interest when sober. Even if 99% of rape claims are true, we have to be just as hypervigilant about protecting the 1% of men who are falsely accused. They, too are victims. Maybe I’m misreading it, but it sounds like any sex underthe
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A GUY DUMPS YOU AND THEN COMES BACK? No need to try to piece Humpty Dumpty back together again when there are a million other guys out in the universe. And, in general, that’s true. Most women would be well served to stop their wishful thinking, leave the past in the past, and move on. If things don’t work out, there’s a reason they didn’t work out, and that’sokay.
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JOIN 10 MILLION READERS DO RELATIONSHIPS MAKE YOU FEEL ANXIOUS? READ THIS. It’s not whether you will disagree; it’s what you do about it afterward. Listening, validating, not attacking, looking for points of agreement, assuming the best intentions: these are the hallmarks of healthy communication and successful relationships.Read More…
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MY BOYFRIEND IS BOTH ATTRACTIVE AND SAFE. WHY DO I THINK OF BREAKINGUP WITH HIM?
It took me awhile but I finally outgrew the desire for butterflies – probably when I realized that butterflies had never been a good predictor of my future.Read More…
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BRENE BROWN (AND EVAN MARC KATZ) ON HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS We see a lot of this in the comments section – people so committed to the worldview that has led them to being single and unhappy – that when this blog challenges them, the only thing they can do is lash out at a guy who gives free dating advice on the internet.Read More…
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