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THE ANXIOUS INFJ
I’m 39 and my daughter is 17. I was a single mom for most of her life. Went through a slew of bad relationships. And finally found the one for me last year.CURRENT EVENTS
Posts about Current Events written by theanxiousinfj. Irma is coming for us all. She’s big and strong and scary. But honestly, she’s not as scary as the pandemic that she’s stirring up in the locals.THE ANXIOUS INFJ
WordPress.com is excited to announce our newest offering: a course just for beginning bloggers where you’ll learn everything you need to know about blogging from the most trusted experts in the industry. We have helped millions of blogs get up and running, we know what works, and we want you to to know everything we know.THEANXIOUSINFJ
What a day it has been! Highs and lows, reflection, realizations, tears and giggles. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I have no clue how I feel about anything. AFFAIRS – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Affairs written by theanxiousinfj. Anyone who knows me knows that I take my commitments seriously. They know I am loyal to the core, and that IEXPECTATIONS
As I was cutting my grass today, I had a thought. It isn’t pointed towards anyone in particular, just a random thing. This past year, my online dating experience has taught me a lot.MORE RAMBLINGS
Is anything ever real? Or is it all just an illusion we create in our minds? Are feelings real? Or do we only believe we feel them because we are told we should? Does anyone ever truly feel secure in life? Or is everyone pretending? My perception of things is entirely differentfrom anyone else's
LETTING GO – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Letting Go written by theanxiousinfj. I know this game, I’ve played it before. You have not one, But both feet out the door. FATHER – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Father written by theanxiousinfj. Life is full of coincidences. I normally enjoy them but sometimes you’re faced with coincidences which you wish would never have happened. RAMBLING; DATING; DATING RULES; FAKE FRIENDS What a day it has been! Highs and lows, reflection, realizations, tears and giggles. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I have no clue how I feel about anything.THE ANXIOUS INFJ
I’m 39 and my daughter is 17. I was a single mom for most of her life. Went through a slew of bad relationships. And finally found the one for me last year.CURRENT EVENTS
Posts about Current Events written by theanxiousinfj. Irma is coming for us all. She’s big and strong and scary. But honestly, she’s not as scary as the pandemic that she’s stirring up in the locals.THE ANXIOUS INFJ
WordPress.com is excited to announce our newest offering: a course just for beginning bloggers where you’ll learn everything you need to know about blogging from the most trusted experts in the industry. We have helped millions of blogs get up and running, we know what works, and we want you to to know everything we know.THEANXIOUSINFJ
What a day it has been! Highs and lows, reflection, realizations, tears and giggles. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I have no clue how I feel about anything. AFFAIRS – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Affairs written by theanxiousinfj. Anyone who knows me knows that I take my commitments seriously. They know I am loyal to the core, and that IEXPECTATIONS
As I was cutting my grass today, I had a thought. It isn’t pointed towards anyone in particular, just a random thing. This past year, my online dating experience has taught me a lot.MORE RAMBLINGS
Is anything ever real? Or is it all just an illusion we create in our minds? Are feelings real? Or do we only believe we feel them because we are told we should? Does anyone ever truly feel secure in life? Or is everyone pretending? My perception of things is entirely differentfrom anyone else's
LETTING GO – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Letting Go written by theanxiousinfj. I know this game, I’ve played it before. You have not one, But both feet out the door. FATHER – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Father written by theanxiousinfj. Life is full of coincidences. I normally enjoy them but sometimes you’re faced with coincidences which you wish would never have happened. RAMBLING; DATING; DATING RULES; FAKE FRIENDS What a day it has been! Highs and lows, reflection, realizations, tears and giggles. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I have no clue how I feel about anything.THE ANXIOUS INFJ
I’m 39 and my daughter is 17. I was a single mom for most of her life. Went through a slew of bad relationships. And finally found the one for me last year. TIL DRUNK DO US PART Anyone who knows me knows that I take my commitments seriously. They know I am loyal to the core, and that I will fight until there's no fight left in me. I met my ex-husband on POF (Yes, I know). Looking back, I really could not tell you what I saw in him. That's probablyCRAZY PEOPE
Posts about Crazy Peope written by theanxiousinfj. Irma is coming for us all. She’s big and strong and scary. But honestly, she’s not as scary as the pandemic that she’s stirring up in the locals.GOOGLED ANXIETY
Naturally, that leads you to reaching out to your boyfriend, either via text or phone call. If he doesn’t respond or answer right away, the fear and anxiety begins to build and you reach out again, this time a little more desperate. The suspense only builds up until you finally hear from him. Depending on how long it takes your boyfriendto
INCESSANT RAMBLING
What a day it has been! Highs and lows, reflection, realizations, tears and giggles. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I have no clue how I feel about anything. All I know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of dealing with crap. I'm tired of staring at my phone all day.I'm tired
FADING – THE ANXIOUS INFJ I know this game, I've played it before. You have not one, But both feet out the door. At first I tried to fight it, Not wanting to let go. But I know that I can't keep you, So now I must say no. No I won't beg or plead. No I won't reach out, ANXIETY – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Ugh, I accidentally messed this up. I have to find my original and correct it. LLPhrough it. Sweetly comforting me. Ebb and flow. Other times the thoughts are surging.FINDING FAITH
I’ve always been somewhat of a loner. Even in childhood, I spent most of my time playing alone, either in my room or out in the woods. I would spend hours exploring the woods and POETRY – THE ANXIOUS INFJ Posts about Poetry written by theanxiousinfj. Be still my heart The flutters are quite nice, But it’s still very much too soon.Skip to content
THE ANXIOUS INFJ
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AN INTRO TO ME
Welcome to my blog!
I would like to take a few moments to introduce myself and explain what my blog is all about. I am a single mother, in my late 30’s. I have a 15 year old daughter, a dog, a cat, and a guinea pig. I decided I needed an outlet for all the jumbled jargon in my head, so….here I am! For those wondering what INFJ means, this is my personality type according to Carl Jung. I will not go into details, but INFJ stands for Introvert iNtuitive Feeling Judging. Basically, I live inside of my mind and my main focus is on the big picture, the future. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts in the present moment, and constantly catch myself daydreaming. Dreaming about what might be, what could have been, what if’s….anything, really. I am quiet at times, other times I will not shut up. I am thoughtful, observant, anddeeply sensitive.
I do suffer from mild anxiety. I have never been diagnosed with a disorder, I am not on medication for it, and I do my best to control it. I believe writing this blog will help me tremendously! I have a wonderful extended family whom I hope do read my blog from time to time. It could give you great insight into my life. There may be postings you don’t want to read, I’ll try to put warningson them.
Well, that’s about it. I hope you all enjoy my ramblings!Advertisements
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Report this ad Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
September 5, 2017September 7, 2017Categories
My Life Leave
a comment on An Intro To MeMIDLIFE STRUGGLES
I’m 39 and my daughter is 17. I was a single mom for most of her life. Went through a slew of bad relationships. And finally found the one for me last year. I’ve always wanted another child. I wanted to experience having a child with someone because I had my daughter all by myself. I’ve always wanted a son. I never wanted my daughter to be my only child. Now that I’m happily married, I have been overwhelmed with wanting to finally have my second child. But I think it’s too late now. My husband doesn’t want another baby, he says we are too old and he just wants to spend the rest of our lives living for us. He doesn’t want to start over as a parent and he doesn’t want to be almost 60 when out last child leaves our home. And I totally get his points and agree with him. It’s too late. And letting go of something I always wanted is hard. I’m not sure how to do it. How do I accept that I’ll never experience being pregnant again? That I’ll never have another baby who’s mine to care for? That I’ll never get to share the experience with a man who actuallyloves me?
I’m struggling. I’m pretty sure this is a normal thing for women my age to deal with and it absolutely sucks. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
January 12, 2020
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Is anything ever real? Or is it all just an illusion we create inour minds?
Are feelings real? Or do we only believe we feel them because we aretold we should?
Does anyone ever truly feel secure in life? Or is everyonepretending?
My perception of things is entirely different from anyone else’s perception. And that goes for everyone. So, who has the correct perception? What gives anyone the right to tell you that your perception is incorrect? We are all just beings of our own perceptions. We see the world as we want to see it. We see it through our own personal experiences and traumas. No one goes through the same things in life. So, again, how can anyone tell me that my perception is incorrect? We all experience grief and trauma differently. We all come to terms with things on our own time. I’m guilty of thinking someone should be over something already, but who am I to tell someone else how to heal? I like to think I put others before me, but the truth is, I can be very selfish, at times, inside of my mind. I may never express this, but it is there. Does this make me an awful person? I want things when I want them, maybe it’s just my judging side, I don’t know. I don’t really like it so I suppress it as much as Ican.
Why do I feel so deeply? Why do I have to feel EVERYTHING? Why can’t I have a moment of peace, a moment of silence (in my mind and heart), a moment where I feel absolutely nothing. I posed a question to other Ni users. I asked them if they could do away with the thoughts in their minds and have a completely clear head, would they do it? Surprisingly, the majority said they would miss it and would not want to do away with it. That made me wonder what is wrong with me. I would give mine up in a heartbeat. Please, take it away. Take my imagination, take my intuition, take my feelings…take it all away. I don’t want it anymore. I justwant to be.
I don’t want my mind and heart to run away from logic and reasoning again. I don’t want to get lost in visions of a future that is merely an illusion. I want to remain present. In the here and now. This leads me to trying to find a way to guard myself better. How do I put up walls? How do I stop from feeling so deeply? I have no idea. But, that’s what I want. I want to stop allowing myself to get caught up in the what ifs. It always trips me up. I get ahead of myself and everyone else involved. And this leads me to heartache. And it’s all my own doing. It would be easy to say I was manipulated or whatever, but the truth is, I’m supposedly this super intuitive person who shouldn’t be easily manipulated. I suppose I manipulate myself, then. It really doesn’t matter, I’m going to take everything personally, anyways. That’s how I’mwired.
I’d give anything to be a different person. How different my life would have been! If I was a little harder, a little more confident. Less dreamy and more realistic. To see things as they are, not how they could be. Take everything and everyone at face value, without attempting to look deeper. I would be less complex and life would be so much simpler. Powered by wordads.co Thank you for submitting the report! Seen ad many times Not relevant Offensive Covers content Broken Report this adI’m so tired.
I don’t want to have to explain who I am to anyone ever again. It’s exhausting, honestly, and most people get lost or lose interest. I’m way too intense, way too deep. I don’t even think I have reached the darkest corners of myself. I’m too busy trying to shut all the feelings down. I don’t have time to look that deep into myself. And when I try, some of it scares me. I sometimes wonder if others see it, too, and that’s why they go away. Do we attract what we are, or are we magnets for certain types of people? I kind of believe in both. I seem to attract broken people. Emotionally unavailable people. Well, deep down I am broken and I know I’ll never be fully whole again. And I wish I was emotionally unavailable. So, maybe we attract what we are and what we wish we could be? I think I may need to shut everyone who isn’t close to me out. I already do it in every day life, but it may be time to shut out social media, too. I enjoy connecting with people online, but I don’t enjoy the drama it sometimes brings into my life. Maybe I need like a social media sabbatical. I laugh at myself because I don’t believe I could do it. But, it may be worth a try. Anyways, if you’ve made it this far into my rabbit hole, I appreciate you sticking around. I needed to get some of this rambling out of my mind so I can actually focus on real life stuff. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
December 30, 2018December 30, 2018Categories
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Will I ever find the arms I need to fall into and let go in? Arms that will hold me tight and never release me. Where I feel safe to be me. Safe to be real. Strong yet soft, welcoming and secure. Will I ever be enough? Will I ever be the one? Or is this how it issupposed to be?
Me taking care of me? That can’t be. Im so tired, exhausted and alone. Why do I give so much of myself? I should keep my heart more guarded. Protected from harm. Pieced together. No one wants it wholely, anyways. Why cant I be content on my own? My solitude encompassing me. No more tears to cry. No more pain. I can hold myself, I always have anyways. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
December 27, 2018
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INFJ COGNITIVE FUNCTIONS STACK IS NI – FE – TI – SE (THE DUMBEDDOWN EXPLANATION)
Ni (introverted intuition) is our dominant function. Ni is a perceiving function, meaning we use Ni to take in information from the outside world. The only other type with dominant Ni is INTJs. If you have ever been close to an INTJ (or another INFJ), you may notice that you each have a silent understanding with each other. At least, that’s how it is with my INTJ brother and myself. We’ve always been able to just look at each other and know what the other wasthinking.
A good analogy I like to use to describe Ni is the tree analogy. Think of your brain as the trunk of the tree and your Ni is the branches. On each branch are leaves (our inferior function Se) reaching out into the world and grasping onto information to bring back to your mind. The information gathered is then processed and put together like puzzle pieces, forming patterns. The patterns consist of situations and events from our past and present. We use these patterns to make our decisions and come up with our conclusions. This is all donesubconsciously.
Ni is our intuition or gut instinct. INFJs are not actually clairvoyant (some could be, I suppose), we are just experts at piecing together experiences and matching them to the patterns we keep compartmentalized into our minds. We know how the outcome of something may be because of how it happened in a previous similar scenario. Fe (Extroverted (Extraverted) Feeling) is the auxiliary function in the INFJ cognitive functions stack. That means it is the second most used function. Fe is a judging function and is the function INFJs use mostly to communicate with the outside world. INFJ are “Judging” type due to our use of Fe because our dominant function, Ni, is a perceiving function that is used inwardly and it not something anyone can see. INFJs have been known as judging perceivers because of this. Fe is the first thing other types will see when dealing with an INFJ. We use it to express ourselves and we use it to communicate. Fe is used to observe how our decisions and actions are affecting the people around us. INFJ value harmony and Fe is used to create and maintainthis harmony.
Fe is what makes INFJ appear to be Empaths. Empaths and INFJs are not synonymous, but it is possible to be both. With Fe, INFJ are able to look at another’s body language and facial expressions, we evaluate their tone of voice and use/avoidance of eye contact to determine how the other person is feeling towards us or any given situation. These signals are picked up by our Ni (via Se)which connects it to our compartmentalized patterns and tells us if the other person is happy, sad, anxious, annoyed, etc. We are then able to empathize with the other person and understand how he/she is feeling. Because Fe is focused outwardly, INFJs have a very hard time understanding our own feelings. Fi (introverted feeling) is inwardly focused, therefore, Fi users are more aware of their own emotions. That’s basically the difference between Fe and Fi. Ti (Introverted Thinking) is 3rd in our cognitive functions stack, it is a tertiary function. Introverted thinking is a decision-making function, but because it is 3rd and Fe is our 2nd, it is not our main decision making function. Powered by wordads.co Thank you for submitting the report! Seen ad many times Not relevant Offensive Covers content Broken Report this ad Ti leads us to want to know why things happen or how things work. It is used to find logical meaning in different aspects in our lives, and to ensure we make logical decisions. We are able to see a problem from all possible angles, considering all possibilities before making a decision. INFJs enjoy thinking about logical and factual ideas, we are truth seekers, and this is due to Ti. Se (Extroverted Sensing) is our inferior and least developed function. Se is used to process information from our 5 senses. If used, you can be completely in the moment, taking in all of the sights, sounds, smells, etc. INFJs use Se on a more subconscious level, unless we have worked on developing it more. We are constantly taking in information via Se, it is fed into our Ni and helps to form the patterns which we use to “predict” the outcome of certain situations. Tying All the Functions Together I thought I would attempt to write out a scenario and explain how each function would be used in the scenario in hopes to give a betterunderstanding.
Imagine you have shared your personal view on an issue, and you feel strongly about this view. Lets say you are discussing this with one person, to make it simpler. The person is clearly upset by what you’ve shared. Your Se picks up on their body language and facial expressions, you can hear the quiver in their voice from being hurt. These cues are sent to your Ni and you attach them to past experiences and realize you have upset this person. You have maybe offended them, and you did not mean to. Your Fe kicks in and you start expressing that you did not mean to upset the other person. All the while, your Ti is kicking in and trying to understand why this person got so upset, you start asking questions to get a better understanding. Your Se picks up more as the person is talking and is pinging your Ni and Ti to help you find a logical solution to the situation. The person explains to you what upset them, and with your Fe, you empathize with them and you begin to understand why this person is upset. Then your start to question your own personal view on the issue, via Ti, and try to decide if your view is flawed. You discover you could have expressed your view in a less offensive manner, and use your Fe to express this to the other person. Harmony is regained. And hopefully that made sense, lol. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
December 19, 2018February 27, 2019Categories
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I would never wish this on anyone. This cursed mind of mine. Analyzing and analyzing and analyzing. What am I feeling? Am I sad, mad, anxious, scared? I really don’t know. All that I know is that I need to get it out, and that’s why I am writing this now. To release whatever it is that has taken over me today. I’ve been doing so well, I’ve been happy and content, and then today, its like I was hit with an unforeseen force of emotion. As I write, I cry. I release the emotions through my words and my tears. I don’t even know that they are MY emotions. That’s what’s so crazy. And everyone wonders why I stay home as much as possible. I don’t just mirror people’s emotions, I absorb them and they feel as if they are my own. So overwhelming. Days like today….I just don’t even want to feel anymore. So lets go down the line of possible emotions. * Stress. Well yea, it’s a week before Christmas and I haven’t been shopping, yet. I haven’t finished decorating the tree. And it’s not that I haven’t had time to, I just don’t want to! Sigh…maybe I have been depressed all of this time? * Anxiety. Well duh, it is a constant in my life. Yes, I have worked VERY hard to get it under control, but it is not completely gone. It still lingers underneath. * Fear. Yes, it is there, too. For unmentionable reasons. It’s just part of the process. * Worry. Another constant. * Sadness. Always during the holidays. The people I love who are no longer here…..I very much feel their absence during this time ofthe year.
* Uncertainty. Might as well be a constant because nothing in lifeis certain.
I suppose those are the main things. All weighing so heavily on me today for some reason. I’m always dealing with one or the other on any given today, but on days like today, when they all hit me at once I just get so overwhelmed and exhausted and I feel lost in my thoughts. It’s hard to break free. I wish I could stop taking things that happen in the present and matching them with things from the past. It’s not healthy, with my past. I don’t want to do that. None of it helps me to moveforward.
Thankfully, I have writing to help me purge. I already feel better, and I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll wake up and the weight will be gone. Dinner tonight is coffee and cigarettes, lol, I can’t be bothered to eat. I may end up in bed in the next hour or so. In sleep, I feel nothing and I can be completely at peace. Sleep is my safe place. To those of you who take the time to read this, Thank You. And I hope I don’t come off as a psychopath! The mind of an INFJ can be a scary place to be in, though. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
December 17, 2018
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My Life Leave
a comment on PurgingBLOSSOMING
Be still my heart… The flutters are quite nice, But it’s still very much too soon.Clear up my head…
The fog is all consuming, But I’m not lost in lonely gloom.Speak up my gut…
The intuition I trust, But with my heart you are in tune. Keep smiling my lips…. The feelings here are real, But I will let it organically bloom. Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
December 12, 2018
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My soul is tired.
Tired of worrying, tired of searching, tired of wondering…. I worry about my daughter constantly. I worry that I have not done right by her. I worry that I have ruined her life by taking her out of school. I worry that she sits home alone all of the time. I worry that she is unhappy and depressed. I worry that I am not good enough to be her mother. I want to do better, I want to do more, but my soul istired.
I worry about my family. I worry about losing someone close to me. I worry how I would handle it. I don’t want to lose anyone. I don’t want to feel this anymore but I can’t stop worrying.My soul is tired.
I worry about making ends meet. I worry how I am going to feed my daughter, my pets, and keep the bills paid. I worry what would happen if an emergency came up. I have no savings. I have nothing. I feel that I am a failure, that I have not done enough to succeed. I wish I would have made better choices when I was younger.My soul is tired.
I worry about people I see walking on the side of the road. I wonder if they have a home, money for food. I wonder if they are sick or in need of help. I want to help them, but I have nothing to offer them. I want to make everyone’s life better, but I can’t and because of this, my soul is tired. I’ve searched my entire life for acceptance. I’ve searched for someone to love me just as I am, for someone to love me just as much as I would love them. I’ve spent decades with the wrong someones. I’ve put up with physical and mental abuse, all because I see more in people than they see in themselves. I fight and I try so hard to get them to see themselves as I see them, but it never does any good. And my soul is tired. I wonder if this is all that my life will ever be. Full of worry and searching. Full of pain and sorrow. Full of dread and fear. I am at my tipping point. I have reached my limit.My soul is tired.
Author theanxiousinfjPosted on
November 19, 2018November 19, 2018Categories
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I’M NOT A VICTIM
I know a lot of my blogs seem to come off as “Woe is Me”. I really do not mean for them to. I am not a victim of anything except for my own poor choices. I have played a role in all of the negativity that has affected my life. Be it insecurities, having too great expectations, or beingplain naive.
I am making a point to make better choices for myself from now on.Search for: Search
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