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THE HARD TIMES
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only. Your Truck Is a Gas-Guzzling, Atmosphere Polluting, Emphysema Causing, Planet Destroyer and I Need to Borrow It so I Can Move. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE CDC Urges Americans to Shut the Fuck up While They’re Trying to Think. ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. “Seriously. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN Here we’ve compiled the 5 best compliments or, “verbal tips,” you can give your server that will make them feel so great they won’t even notice you didn’t leave them a real, monetary tip. You really made the meal! A true classic. A server’s livelihood is made or broken by how they add to the guests dining experience. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES Beto Calls Cops on Self for Skating on Own Driveway. By David Tyler. EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own. Punk Spends Entirety of Purge Smoking in Denny’s For First Time in 20 Years. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Conner4Real and the Style Boyz aren’t rock, but no list of fictional musicians is complete without Andy Samberg and Lonely Island’s hilarious, pop parody. I’d add that “Fuck Off” is a GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a tutu announced in a statement. “Murdoc Alphonse ‘Faust’ Niccals was found dead on the floor of his cartoon Soho flat at 1:09 a.m., and was immediately rushed to St.Bopsy
TRANS WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO JUST FEEL NEUTRAL Trans Woman Desperate for Someone to Just Feel Neutral About Her. LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have an opinion about it, sources report. “It’s not that I don’t want people to comment on my pictures; I could just really use BUMFUCK, IOWA CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION TO HONOR FOUNDER BUMFUCK, Iowa — The small, central Iowa town of Bumfuck announced plans today to honor its eponymous founder Arthur Bumfuck in a centennial festival scheduled to take place later this weekend. “It’s the big 1-0-0 here in Bumfuck, and we’re honored to celebrate the day my great-granddaddy Artie settled this land a century ago,” said OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three moreTHE HARD TIMES
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only. Your Truck Is a Gas-Guzzling, Atmosphere Polluting, Emphysema Causing, Planet Destroyer and I Need to Borrow It so I Can Move. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE CDC Urges Americans to Shut the Fuck up While They’re Trying to Think. ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. “Seriously. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN Here we’ve compiled the 5 best compliments or, “verbal tips,” you can give your server that will make them feel so great they won’t even notice you didn’t leave them a real, monetary tip. You really made the meal! A true classic. A server’s livelihood is made or broken by how they add to the guests dining experience. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES Beto Calls Cops on Self for Skating on Own Driveway. By David Tyler. EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own. Punk Spends Entirety of Purge Smoking in Denny’s For First Time in 20 Years. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Conner4Real and the Style Boyz aren’t rock, but no list of fictional musicians is complete without Andy Samberg and Lonely Island’s hilarious, pop parody. I’d add that “Fuck Off” is a GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a tutu announced in a statement. “Murdoc Alphonse ‘Faust’ Niccals was found dead on the floor of his cartoon Soho flat at 1:09 a.m., and was immediately rushed to St.Bopsy
TRANS WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO JUST FEEL NEUTRAL Trans Woman Desperate for Someone to Just Feel Neutral About Her. LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have an opinion about it, sources report. “It’s not that I don’t want people to comment on my pictures; I could just really use BUMFUCK, IOWA CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION TO HONOR FOUNDER BUMFUCK, Iowa — The small, central Iowa town of Bumfuck announced plans today to honor its eponymous founder Arthur Bumfuck in a centennial festival scheduled to take place later this weekend. “It’s the big 1-0-0 here in Bumfuck, and we’re honored to celebrate the day my great-granddaddy Artie settled this land a century ago,” said OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three more MAN PLACES $7 IN FRIDGE EACH TIME HE GRABS A BEER TO EVANSTON, Ill. — Local man Ryan Michaelson began a new ritual last October, placing $7 in his fridge each time he gets up for a beer to replicate vastly overpaying for drinks at concerts and festivals, concerned sources confirmed. “It just totally made sense,” said Michaelson after walking four blocks to an ATM to get cash for hisfridge.
MATT GAETZ ANNOUNCES HE’S ONLY 17 YEARS OLD Matt Gaetz Announces He’s Only 17 Years Old. WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only 17, but are you really surprised? DMX FUNERAL TO INCLUDE 21-BARK SALUTE DMX Funeral To Include 21-Bark Salute. WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Funeral preparations are already underway following the untimely passing of rapper and actor Earl Simmons, better known as DMX, and is expected to feature a ceremonial 21-Bark Salute, sources close to the family confirmed. “As sad as today is for all of us, I know Earl is in a WE RANK THESE GATORADES BECAUSE WE ARE SO FUCKING HUNGOVER Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to chase that rum and coke with a banana daiquiri and a keg of Natty Daddy? Whatever. We can plow through this. Time to reemerge reborn like the phoenix of functional alcoholism and give you our definitive ranking of Gatorade flav-oh fuck we're gonna puke. Wait, nope. NEIGHBORS CALL TO COMPLAIN ABOUT EDDIE VEDDER HOWLING AT Neighbors Call to Complain About Eddie Vedder Howling at Moon Again. SEATTLE — Seattle Police responded to a noise complaint at the home of Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder last night after neighbors complained he was once again howling at the moon from his roof. “I’m fed up with this shit happening night after goddamn night,”said
MAN WITH SHOEBOX FULL OF CAMEL CASH FROM THE 90S CONSIDERS NORCROSS, Ga. — Local man Craig Barnett, who quit smoking in 1995, discovered a box yesterday filled with Camel cigarettes’s now-obsolete Camel Cash, prompting him to let everyone know he was getting into cryptocurrency, friends and family confirmed. “I couldn’t believe it: I opened the lid to this old shoebox in mygarage, and found
THE HARD TIMES │ VINYL The Hard Times is a very real punk news site that you should not question.Just absorb the information as truth and move on. The historic satire site was founded in December 1976. WE SAT DOWN WITH JACK WHITE BUT IT WAS UNBEARABLE SO WE When The Hard Times scored an interview with Jack White we were thrilled. However, what he said was so excruciatingly, unrelentingly pretentious I decided ‘fuck the ten dollars I’m getting paid to do this’ and faked stomach pains in hopes he’d notice and end theinterview.
STACY’S MOM DEAD AT 53 Stacy’s Mom Dead at 53. AYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed. “I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his VENMO REQUEST FROM DONALD TRUMP GOES UNANSWERED BY MEXICO ASHINGTON — A request for funds was sent last night to Mexico’s President Enrique Peña Nieto from the official Venmo account of the United States Department of the Treasury, seeking up-front payment for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. The request, however, has received no response from the Mexican government, according toofficials.
THE HARD TIMES
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only. Your Truck Is a Gas-Guzzling, Atmosphere Polluting, Emphysema Causing, Planet Destroyer and I Need to Borrow It so I Can Move. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE CDC Urges Americans to Shut the Fuck up While They’re Trying to Think. ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. “Seriously. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN Here we’ve compiled the 5 best compliments or, “verbal tips,” you can give your server that will make them feel so great they won’t even notice you didn’t leave them a real, monetary tip. You really made the meal! A true classic. A server’s livelihood is made or broken by how they add to the guests dining experience. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES Beto Calls Cops on Self for Skating on Own Driveway. By David Tyler. EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own. Punk Spends Entirety of Purge Smoking in Denny’s For First Time in 20 Years. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Conner4Real and the Style Boyz aren’t rock, but no list of fictional musicians is complete without Andy Samberg and Lonely Island’s hilarious, pop parody. I’d add that “Fuck Off” is a GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a tutu announced in a statement. “Murdoc Alphonse ‘Faust’ Niccals was found dead on the floor of his cartoon Soho flat at 1:09 a.m., and was immediately rushed to St.Bopsy
TRANS WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO JUST FEEL NEUTRAL Trans Woman Desperate for Someone to Just Feel Neutral About Her. LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have an opinion about it, sources report. “It’s not that I don’t want people to comment on my pictures; I could just really use BUMFUCK, IOWA CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION TO HONOR FOUNDER BUMFUCK, Iowa — The small, central Iowa town of Bumfuck announced plans today to honor its eponymous founder Arthur Bumfuck in a centennial festival scheduled to take place later this weekend. “It’s the big 1-0-0 here in Bumfuck, and we’re honored to celebrate the day my great-granddaddy Artie settled this land a century ago,” said OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three moreTHE HARD TIMES
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only. Your Truck Is a Gas-Guzzling, Atmosphere Polluting, Emphysema Causing, Planet Destroyer and I Need to Borrow It so I Can Move. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE CDC Urges Americans to Shut the Fuck up While They’re Trying to Think. ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. “Seriously. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN Here we’ve compiled the 5 best compliments or, “verbal tips,” you can give your server that will make them feel so great they won’t even notice you didn’t leave them a real, monetary tip. You really made the meal! A true classic. A server’s livelihood is made or broken by how they add to the guests dining experience. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES Beto Calls Cops on Self for Skating on Own Driveway. By David Tyler. EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own. Punk Spends Entirety of Purge Smoking in Denny’s For First Time in 20 Years. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Conner4Real and the Style Boyz aren’t rock, but no list of fictional musicians is complete without Andy Samberg and Lonely Island’s hilarious, pop parody. I’d add that “Fuck Off” is a GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a tutu announced in a statement. “Murdoc Alphonse ‘Faust’ Niccals was found dead on the floor of his cartoon Soho flat at 1:09 a.m., and was immediately rushed to St.Bopsy
TRANS WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO JUST FEEL NEUTRAL Trans Woman Desperate for Someone to Just Feel Neutral About Her. LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have an opinion about it, sources report. “It’s not that I don’t want people to comment on my pictures; I could just really use BUMFUCK, IOWA CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION TO HONOR FOUNDER BUMFUCK, Iowa — The small, central Iowa town of Bumfuck announced plans today to honor its eponymous founder Arthur Bumfuck in a centennial festival scheduled to take place later this weekend. “It’s the big 1-0-0 here in Bumfuck, and we’re honored to celebrate the day my great-granddaddy Artie settled this land a century ago,” said OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three more MAN PLACES $7 IN FRIDGE EACH TIME HE GRABS A BEER TO EVANSTON, Ill. — Local man Ryan Michaelson began a new ritual last October, placing $7 in his fridge each time he gets up for a beer to replicate vastly overpaying for drinks at concerts and festivals, concerned sources confirmed. “It just totally made sense,” said Michaelson after walking four blocks to an ATM to get cash for hisfridge.
MATT GAETZ ANNOUNCES HE’S ONLY 17 YEARS OLD Matt Gaetz Announces He’s Only 17 Years Old. WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only 17, but are you really surprised? DMX FUNERAL TO INCLUDE 21-BARK SALUTE DMX Funeral To Include 21-Bark Salute. WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Funeral preparations are already underway following the untimely passing of rapper and actor Earl Simmons, better known as DMX, and is expected to feature a ceremonial 21-Bark Salute, sources close to the family confirmed. “As sad as today is for all of us, I know Earl is in a WE RANK THESE GATORADES BECAUSE WE ARE SO FUCKING HUNGOVER Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to chase that rum and coke with a banana daiquiri and a keg of Natty Daddy? Whatever. We can plow through this. Time to reemerge reborn like the phoenix of functional alcoholism and give you our definitive ranking of Gatorade flav-oh fuck we're gonna puke. Wait, nope. NEIGHBORS CALL TO COMPLAIN ABOUT EDDIE VEDDER HOWLING AT Neighbors Call to Complain About Eddie Vedder Howling at Moon Again. SEATTLE — Seattle Police responded to a noise complaint at the home of Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder last night after neighbors complained he was once again howling at the moon from his roof. “I’m fed up with this shit happening night after goddamn night,”said
MAN WITH SHOEBOX FULL OF CAMEL CASH FROM THE 90S CONSIDERS NORCROSS, Ga. — Local man Craig Barnett, who quit smoking in 1995, discovered a box yesterday filled with Camel cigarettes’s now-obsolete Camel Cash, prompting him to let everyone know he was getting into cryptocurrency, friends and family confirmed. “I couldn’t believe it: I opened the lid to this old shoebox in mygarage, and found
THE HARD TIMES │ VINYL The Hard Times is a very real punk news site that you should not question.Just absorb the information as truth and move on. The historic satire site was founded in December 1976. WE SAT DOWN WITH JACK WHITE BUT IT WAS UNBEARABLE SO WE When The Hard Times scored an interview with Jack White we were thrilled. However, what he said was so excruciatingly, unrelentingly pretentious I decided ‘fuck the ten dollars I’m getting paid to do this’ and faked stomach pains in hopes he’d notice and end theinterview.
STACY’S MOM DEAD AT 53 Stacy’s Mom Dead at 53. AYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed. “I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his VENMO REQUEST FROM DONALD TRUMP GOES UNANSWERED BY MEXICO ASHINGTON — A request for funds was sent last night to Mexico’s President Enrique Peña Nieto from the official Venmo account of the United States Department of the Treasury, seeking up-front payment for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. The request, however, has received no response from the Mexican government, according toofficials.
THE HARD TIMES
Punk News Comin' Your Way! In today’s progressive social climate, some men find the dating world more intimidating than ever, particularly delusional, narcissistic men who think that all women are ACOUSTIC PERFORMER AT VACCINATION SITE CONSIDERED WORSE LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop hits from the early aughts, confirmed winded sources after running as far away as their legs could takethem.
CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES LOS ANGELES — 43-year-old burnout and failure Tom Johnson noted this morning that author Charles Bukowski was 50 years old when his firstwidely published
GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN The service industry is hard. Being a waiter or waitress means long crazy hours of physically demanding work and relying almost entirely on the kindness of strangers (by way of tips) to make a living. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to DMX FUNERAL TO INCLUDE 21-BARK SALUTE WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Funeral preparations are already underway following the untimely passing of rapper and actor Earl Simmons, better known as DMX, and is expected to feature a ceremonial 21-Bark Salute, sources close to the family confirmed. STACY’S MOM DEAD AT 53 W AYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed. “I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his “guardian angel.” “Then I saw her grab her chest and run inside, all OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three moreTHE HARD TIMES
Punk News Comin' Your Way! In today’s progressive social climate, some men find the dating world more intimidating than ever, particularly delusional, narcissistic men who think that all women are ACOUSTIC PERFORMER AT VACCINATION SITE CONSIDERED WORSE LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop hits from the early aughts, confirmed winded sources after running as far away as their legs could takethem.
CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. DAVID TYLER, AUTHOR AT THE HARD TIMES LOS ANGELES — 43-year-old burnout and failure Tom Johnson noted this morning that author Charles Bukowski was 50 years old when his firstwidely published
GORILLAZ' CARTOON BASSIST OVERDOSES ON CARTOON HEROIN LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a fez and a 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN AN The service industry is hard. Being a waiter or waitress means long crazy hours of physically demanding work and relying almost entirely on the kindness of strangers (by way of tips) to make a living. WE TAUGHT THIS CHIMPANZEE TO UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and observe a strong sense of community. With that in mind, we set out to see if we could make a chimpanzee understand the complexities of American politics. We found one particularly intelligent Chimp named Hugo and got to DMX FUNERAL TO INCLUDE 21-BARK SALUTE WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Funeral preparations are already underway following the untimely passing of rapper and actor Earl Simmons, better known as DMX, and is expected to feature a ceremonial 21-Bark Salute, sources close to the family confirmed. STACY’S MOM DEAD AT 53 W AYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed. “I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his “guardian angel.” “Then I saw her grab her chest and run inside, all OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three more MAN PLACES $7 IN FRIDGE EACH TIME HE GRABS A BEER TO EVANSTON, Ill. — Local man Ryan Michaelson began a new ritual last October, placing $7 in his fridge each time he gets up for a beer to replicate vastly overpaying for drinks at concerts and festivals, concerned sources confirmed. WE RANK THESE GATORADES BECAUSE WE ARE SO FUCKING HUNGOVER Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to chase that rum and coke with a banana daiquiri and a keg of Natty Daddy? Whatever. We can plow through this. Time to reemerge reborn like the phoenix of functional alcoholism and give you our definitive ranking of Gatorade flav-oh fuck we're gonna puke. Wait, nope. MATT GAETZ ANNOUNCES HE’S ONLY 17 YEARS OLD But while Gaetz celebrated vindication, one of his party companions worried. “Well, this is awkward,” Trump confidant Roger Stoneuneasily remarked.
WE SAT DOWN WITH THE SINGER OF EVERCLEAR’S FATHER AND HIS Every '90s teen can recall a time when they blasted Everclear’s "Father of Mine" after a particularly contentious dispute with their dad regarding a purchase from Spencer's gifts. Sure, no one read too much into the song. All we knew was that this guy was pissed and his dad was the reason, so we cranked that shit to piss him off. But what if we told you that Everclear was completely oneTHE HARD TIMES
Michael Levy turned a $170,000 investment into a NBA Topshot portfolio valued at tens of millions of dollars. The gang TRANS WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO JUST FEEL NEUTRAL LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have an opinion about it, sources report. NEIGHBORS CALL TO COMPLAIN ABOUT EDDIE VEDDER HOWLING AT Seattle Police responded to a noise complaint at the home of Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder, after neighbors complained he was once again howling at the moon from his roof. STACY’S MOM DEAD AT 53 W AYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed. “I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his “guardian angel.” “Then I saw her grab her chest and run inside, all WE SAT DOWN WITH JACK WHITE BUT IT WAS UNBEARABLE SO WE When The Hard Times scored an interview with Jack White we were thrilled. However, what he said was so excruciatingly, unrelentingly pretentious I decided ‘fuck the ten dollars I’m getting paid to do this’ and faked stomach pains in hopes he’d notice and end theinterview.
IMPOSSIBLE WHOPPER FOUND TO CONTAIN TRACES OF IMPOSSIBLE HORSE JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts of vegetarian horse meat, according to the FDA.THE HARD TIMES
Punk News Comin' Your Way! HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular THE HARD TIMES OFFICIAL STORE │ PUNK, ALT MUSIC, AND The Hard Times is a very real punk news site that you should not question.Just absorb the information as truth and move on. The historic satire site was founded in December 1976. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN ANGOOD COMPLIMENTS FOR GIRLSWHAT COMPLIMENTS GREENWHAT COMPLIMENTS RED The service industry is hard. Being a waiter or waitress means long crazy hours of physically demanding work and relying almost entirely on the kindness of strangers (by way of tips) to make a living. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Of all the music biopics, the best is the one that skewers them all. “Walk Hard” pokes fun at the genre’s formula, displaying the rise, fall, and return of a music legend. OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three more KINDA WEIRD: ALL THE CHILDREN FROM THE FIRST KIDZ BOP Zane Weinberg: 4/6/1989 – 9/11/2001: I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Zane was in downtown Manhattan on the morning of September 11th. And prior to recording his classic version of “Steal My Sunshine,” he did peruse some anti-American, terrorist propaganda online, but Zane thankfully was not involved in the September 11th attacks. IMPOSSIBLE WHOPPER FOUND TO CONTAIN TRACES OF IMPOSSIBLE HORSE JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts of vegetarian horse meat, according to the FDA. NEIL PEART’S DRUM SET DONATED TO SUPPLY EVERY PUBLIC HAMILTON, Ontario — Neil Peart’s elaborate drum kit is set to be divided up and donated to schools across Canada in order to provide every music class with proper equipment following his untimely deaththis past week.
EMBARRASSED RICK TA LIFE FINALLY NOTICES SPELLING MISTAKERICK TA LIFE MENTAL HOSPITAL25 TA LIFERICK HEALEYRICK HEALEY 25 TA LIFERICK HEALY BALTIMORE — Former 25 ta Life frontman Rick Healey, commonly known as Rick ta Life, finally noticed yesterday the obvious spelling mistake in both his nickname and the band of which he was a member for nearly two decades, incredulous sources confirmed.THE HARD TIMES
Punk News Comin' Your Way! HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular THE HARD TIMES OFFICIAL STORE │ PUNK, ALT MUSIC, AND The Hard Times is a very real punk news site that you should not question.Just absorb the information as truth and move on. The historic satire site was founded in December 1976. 5 COMPLIMENTS YOUR SERVER WILL APPRECIATE MORE THAN ANGOOD COMPLIMENTS FOR GIRLSWHAT COMPLIMENTS GREENWHAT COMPLIMENTS RED The service industry is hard. Being a waiter or waitress means long crazy hours of physically demanding work and relying almost entirely on the kindness of strangers (by way of tips) to make a living. CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. 15 BEST FICTIONAL ROCK BANDS Of all the music biopics, the best is the one that skewers them all. “Walk Hard” pokes fun at the genre’s formula, displaying the rise, fall, and return of a music legend. OVERLY COCKY DEF LEPPARD DRUMMER HAS OTHER ARM REMOVED L OS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock world this past weekend, multiple sources confirmed. “Easiest recovery I’ve ever made,” said Allen from his home in Los Angeles, confirming what physicians are calling “sky-high levels of cockiness.” “I can think of at least three more KINDA WEIRD: ALL THE CHILDREN FROM THE FIRST KIDZ BOP Zane Weinberg: 4/6/1989 – 9/11/2001: I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Zane was in downtown Manhattan on the morning of September 11th. And prior to recording his classic version of “Steal My Sunshine,” he did peruse some anti-American, terrorist propaganda online, but Zane thankfully was not involved in the September 11th attacks. IMPOSSIBLE WHOPPER FOUND TO CONTAIN TRACES OF IMPOSSIBLE HORSE JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts of vegetarian horse meat, according to the FDA. NEIL PEART’S DRUM SET DONATED TO SUPPLY EVERY PUBLIC HAMILTON, Ontario — Neil Peart’s elaborate drum kit is set to be divided up and donated to schools across Canada in order to provide every music class with proper equipment following his untimely deaththis past week.
EMBARRASSED RICK TA LIFE FINALLY NOTICES SPELLING MISTAKERICK TA LIFE MENTAL HOSPITAL25 TA LIFERICK HEALEYRICK HEALEY 25 TA LIFERICK HEALY BALTIMORE — Former 25 ta Life frontman Rick Healey, commonly known as Rick ta Life, finally noticed yesterday the obvious spelling mistake in both his nickname and the band of which he was a member for nearly two decades, incredulous sources confirmed. ABOUT - THE HARD TIMES The Hard Times is a very real punk news site that you should not question. Just absorb the information as truth and move on. The historic satire site was founded in December 1976. It’s made by a group of punk and hardcore kids from all the different sub-genres of the DIY hardcore scene. THE HARD TIMES SHOWS The Hard Times is proud to announce the creation of The Hard Times Shows, the new live event arm of our growing media empire. Because our site was founded by punks we’ve been booking shows for our friends already (thanks for coming!), but The Hard Times Shows represents us dedicating more time and resources to booking the bands who have inspired and motivated us throughout the years. ACOUSTIC PERFORMER AT VACCINATION SITE CONSIDERED WORSE LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop hits from the early aughts, confirmed winded sources after running as far away as their legs could takethem.
CDC URGES AMERICANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE THEY’RE ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to figure something out,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters. $70,000 PICKUP TRUCK USED TO MOVE BOX OF OLD POSTERS AND A MARLINTON, W.V. — Local truck owner John “John-Boy” Johnson recently employed his heavy duty 2020 GMC Sierra to move a friend’s old posters and a single dining table chair a grand total of six blocks, sources who are not as helpful as they think they areconfirmed.
FACEBOOK THREAD ABOUT ANTIDEPRESSANTS GETTING WEIRDLY “Some patients have no idea what a conversation that isn’t centered around their emotional needs sounds like,” said Dr. Pikowski. “It’s human nature — even in a space meant to be supportive — that members compete to identify the alpha, and the saddest dog is determined by games of tragic one-upmanship and combative storytelling. PUNK TEARFULLY SHOOTS TOUR VAN WITH BROKEN AXLE Local punk Maddie Conyard tied her beloved tour van to a tree and shot it yesterday after it suffered a broken axle, effectively putting it out of its own misery. I’M CHOOSING TO HAVE A PREMATURE BIRTH BECAUSE THERE'S NO If any of you readers have suggestions for how to rush a birth, please email me and let me know. We’re getting closer and closer to Libraseason and all
NEW FILM SEES JAMES BOND HUNT DOWN AMAZON WORKER WHO LEFT HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular super spy as he tracks down a rogue fulfillment center worker who left their workstation to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE ‘EVIL EMPIRE' LP Limited 180gm vinyl LP pressing. Renegades is the fourth studio album by rock band Rage Against the Machine, released on December 5, 2000 by Epic Records, almost two months prior their breakup. The album consists of covers of songs by artists such as Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Minor Threat, Eric B. & Rakim, EPMD, MC5, The Rolling Stones, Cypress Hill, and Devo. Press "Enter" to skip to content Buy the new Hard Times book!* The Hard Times
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#67 - Communion
Brendan fucks up the stream like a complete dolt. Surely there will be consequence for this.*
The
Hard Times Podcast w/ Nobody No guest this week so Matt and Bill shoot the shit about the tour, how Celina accidentally doxxed Matt and they swap*
Episode 25: Tom
Peters
Description-You learn a lot about Tom Peters in this weeks episode of the Pitch Group Podcast. You learn about his*
The Curse of
Noise Rock
This week’s episode of Fanboys is actually legitimately cursed. The boys repent for past sins, listen to a reject*
The
Ten Koopmandments w/ Matthew Mercer Matthew Mercer (Critical Role, every video game) joins Mark and Jeremy to discuss this preposterous episode that was Want ad free episodes? Check out our Patreon.Learn More
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New Movie Uses De-Aging Technology to Make Paul Rudd Look Exactly theSame
New Movie Uses De-Aging Technology to Make Paul Rudd Look Exactly theSame
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dril Becomes Conservative Icon After Accidental Retweet From@realDonaldTrump
dril Becomes Conservative Icon After Accidental Retweet From@realDonaldTrump
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Report: Only 9% of Voters Think Joe Biden Could Defeat John Cena and The Undertaker in a Triple Threat Match Report: Only 9% of Voters Think Joe Biden Could Defeat John Cena and The Undertaker in a Triple Threat Match*
No Need to Worry: Pokéball Head Guy Has Loving Family, Devoted Husband, and Three Incredible Children No Need to Worry: Pokéball Head Guy Has Loving Family, Devoted Husband, and Three Incredible Children*
5th Friend Who ‘Doesn’t Mind Watching Everyone Else Play’ Awarded Nobel Peace Prize 5th Friend Who ‘Doesn’t Mind Watching Everyone Else Play’ Awarded Nobel Peace Prize*
BREAKING: Baby Yoda Has Died BREAKING: Baby Yoda Has Died*
Gaming Addiction Study Participant Pretty Sure He Got Placebo Game Gaming Addiction Study Participant Pretty Sure He Got Placebo Game*
Local Barcade Owner Still Fiddling With Bar/Cade Ratio Local Barcade Owner Still Fiddling With Bar/Cade Ratio*
‘Death Stranding’ Suspiciously Only Nominee in The Game Awards’ Best Celebrity Cameo Category ‘Death Stranding’ Suspiciously Only Nominee in The Game Awards’ Best Celebrity Cameo Category*
Geoff Keighley Announces Best Layoffs Category for Game Awards Geoff Keighley Announces Best Layoffs Category for Game Awards Band, Audience, Venue Staff All Agree They’re Too Old for ThisShit
BAND, AUDIENCE, VENUE STAFF ALL AGREE THEY’RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHITBy Patrick Crooks
PORTLAND, Maine — Attendees, staff, and band at a Drunk Witch show last night simultaneously all concluded that they’re just “too oldfor this loud…
Cuck Loses Wife to Cancer CUCK LOSES WIFE TO CANCERBy Shea Strauss
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Beta cuck Seth Armitage watched helplessly from the side of his wife Nadia’s hospital bed last Thursday as cancertotally fucked…
Morrissey Now Selling Autographed Skrewdriver Albums MORRISSEY NOW SELLING AUTOGRAPHED SKREWDRIVER ALBUMSBy Patrick Crooks
DETROIT — Controversial singer/songwriter Morrissey is now selling signed copies of albums by the notorious white power band Skrewdiver for $300 at concerts, attendees at… Only Black Kid in Class Pulling Overtime as Only Black Kid atShow
ONLY BLACK KID IN CLASS PULLING OVERTIME AS ONLY BLACK KID AT SHOWBy Johnny Mo
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes… Boyfriend Doesn’t Really Want Anything for Birthday Besides Elaborate Sex Act You Hate Doing BOYFRIEND DOESN’T REALLY WANT ANYTHING FOR BIRTHDAY BESIDES ELABORATE SEX ACT YOU HATE DOINGBy Patrick Coyne
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other thanto spend time…
SUPPORT THE HARD TIMES! We Need to Stop Dismissing the Elderly. They Might Have Been Super Hot When They Were Younger WE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING THE ELDERLY. THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN SUPER HOT WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGERBy Krissy Howard
There is a real problem in this country, and no, I’m not talking about peanut oil. I’m talking about the way we treat old people.… Lead Singer Pretty Sure Good Idea Was His Idea LEAD SINGER PRETTY SURE GOOD IDEA WAS HIS IDEABy Josh Kuderna
BALTIMORE — Members of local band Wasted Rat agreed yesterday that the guitar solo in their new song “absolutely rips,” but immediately turned to arguing… Punk Really Fucking Up Family Feud Survey PUNK REALLY FUCKING UP FAMILY FEUD SURVEYBy Patrick Crooks
BURBANK, Calif. — Contrarian punk Greg Howard derailed his family’s appearance on “Family Feud” yesterday with esoteric answers and random outbursts, production sources still cleaning… REPORT: DVD You Were Watching Put in Case of DVD You’re CurrentlyWatching
REPORT: DVD YOU WERE WATCHING PUT IN CASE OF DVD YOU’RE CURRENTLYWATCHING
By Patrick Coyne
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — An alarming new report released today found that your DVD collection is in disarray, thanks to months of putting theDVD you…
Wardrobe Department Figures Aerosmith Tee Punk Enough WARDROBE DEPARTMENT FIGURES AEROSMITH TEE PUNK ENOUGHBy Patrick Crooks
LOS ANGELES — The wardrobe department for last night’s episode of long-running procedural “NCIS: Los Angeles” dressed a “punk” character in an Aerosmith T-shirt and… Punk Conservationists Open Reservation for Endangered Medium Tees PUNK CONSERVATIONISTS OPEN RESERVATION FOR ENDANGERED MEDIUM TEESBy Edgar Towner
SALIDA, Colo. — Grassroots activist organization Punks for Sustainable Merch announced yesterday the opening of a nature refuge to prevent the extinction of medium-sized band… “Beard Guy” Transitions Back into “No Personality Guy” AfterShaving
“BEARD GUY” TRANSITIONS BACK INTO “NO PERSONALITY GUY” AFTERSHAVING
By Patrick Coyne
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “beard guy” Reggie Eustace transitioned back into “no personality guy” yesterday after shaving off his beard, leaving him with no discernible… Molly Connolly Reveals Max Bemis Mostly Just Prematurely Ejaculatedand Cried
MOLLY CONNOLLY REVEALS MAX BEMIS MOSTLY JUST PREMATURELY EJACULATEDAND CRIED
By Contributor
LOS ANGELES – Molly Connolly, the subject of mid-00s emo band Say Anything’s fan favorite song “Every Man Has a Molly,” revealedin a press…
Man at Least 12 Years Older Than Coworkers Tired of Being Mistaken forManager
MAN AT LEAST 12 YEARS OLDER THAN COWORKERS TIRED OF BEING MISTAKENFOR MANAGER
By Tom Peters
CARY, N.C. — Local co-op worker Alan Swanson is fed up with assumptions that he’s somehow in charge of coworkers at least 12years his…
Cool Office Allows Dog Fighting COOL OFFICE ALLOWS DOG FIGHTINGBy Sari Beliak
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech startup Ampt Ventures announced on Tuesday that, in an effort to cultivate a fun, company culture, their Bay Areaoffice now…
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Wait: Did You Just Re-Start This Song So It Would Be Playing When IGot In The Car?
Wait: Did You Just Re-Start This Song So It Would Be Playing When IGot In The Car?
By Heather Cook
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We Sat Down With Green Day and Asked Them for $4 so We Don’tOverdraft
We Sat Down With Green Day and Asked Them for $4 so We Don’tOverdraft
By Anna Walsh
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You Have No Right to Judge Me for “Forcing” My Kid to Be Vegetarian Even Though I’m “Not” Vegetarian and for Me It’s Just a “Power Thing” You Have No Right to Judge Me for “Forcing” My Kid to Be Vegetarian Even Though I’m “Not” Vegetarian and for Me It’s Just a “Power Thing”By Dan Rice
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Want Your Kids to Be Successful? According to Experts, Tough LuckShithead
Want Your Kids to Be Successful? According to Experts, Tough LuckShithead
By Dan Rice
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Busted! Videos of Stephen Colbert Reveal Reactionary Conservative Past Busted! Videos of Stephen Colbert Reveal Reactionary Conservative PastBy Tim Nash
OPINION
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We Need to Stop Dismissing the Elderly. They Might Have Been Super Hot When They Were Younger We Need to Stop Dismissing the Elderly. They Might Have Been Super Hot When They Were Younger By Krissy Howard on November 22, 2019 There is a real problem in this country, and no, I’m not talking about peanut oil. I’m talking about the way we treat old people. Theway we, as a...
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Opinion: We’re Not a “Satanic Band.” We’re Just a Band Whose Members All Love Satan Opinion: We’re Not a “Satanic Band.” We’re Just a Band Whose Members All Love Satan By Edgar Towner on October 28, 2019 I get it. You see the corpse paint, the inverted crosses, the sheep’s heads skewered on mic stands, and you think, “Wow, this is one Satanic-ass band.” It’s an understandable...*
Opinion: Music Used to Be Way Better Back When I Was on Drugs Opinion: Music Used to Be Way Better Back When I Was on Drugs By Jon Swihart on October 21, 2019 I hate to be one of “those guys,” but I’m starting to notice that music nowadays sucks. I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s just something missing....*
Opinion: Edge Day Is a Made up Holiday to Sell Hardcore Records Opinion: Edge Day Is a Made up Holiday to Sell Hardcore Records By Jay Chanoine on October 17, 2019 The straight edge community is all about integrity, solidarity and accountability. Very few people are as passionate about anything as the X-fisted youth of today are about not chewing up...Sponsored Links
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