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WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SUBMISSION GUIDELINES Some guidelines: 1. This blog prints submissions from disabled people only. Not from non-disabled parents on behalf of their children, or caregivers, just disabled people. This is a collection of our voices. 2. This blog is not the appropriate venue for supercrip/shiny Aspie stories, nor is it a place for tragedy porn. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILDREN? I think I am like your child because I can see a kindred spirit in your child and because a doctor put the same word, autism, on my different way of interacting with the world as a doctor put on your child's ways. I think I am like your child because when I look at your beautiful child, I see a person but also a seed of the person to comeafter
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: RECLAIMING THE DIGNITY LOST IN A Reclaiming the Dignity Lost In A Diagnosis. by Cas Faulds. As an autistic person, I have multiple facets to my identity – just like everyone does. One of those facets is that I am also a parent. My son is autistic, and I know what it is like to sit with professionals and be told how limited your child is. I know what it is like to receive a WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TRANSITIONS: A PROBLEM EXPERIENCED I was very fortunate in that, for me, getting out of undergraduate was a godsend. I don't have significant problems with transitions per se, but they can be hard for a host of secondary reasons - suddenly I'm required to rely on executive functioning I don't have, mainly. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: NIGHT-BLOOMING FLOWERS: SUDDEN A couple of parents who commented were skeptical of the account. While I resented the incident being passed around as inspiration porn by many, it was entirely possible, I argued, that under new and unique circumstances, a kid had displayed an WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SHAME I want to test a theory. The theory of shame going away when it’s out in the open. I seem to have this thing. Which could or might possibly be related to decreased pain sensitivity.Or maybe executive function. I don’t feel my bladder getting full. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD This is a function of how you treat the world around you. And when I startle or yelp in pain, other people look at me like I’m weird or frightening or disturbing, if they don’t outright laugh at me. Somehow I’m the one who’s defective when your carelessness gets me hurt. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: A CHECKLIST FOR IDENTIFYING The following is a checklist of questions to address when trying to identify the source of and alleviate aggression on the part of an autistic child or adult. It does not necessarily include every possibility, but is a preliminary checklist of, in our experience, WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: 2019 After my foot healed, I sought a way to fill the gymnastics shaped hole in my heart and life. I’m one of those people who needs a lot of physical activity and the kind of sensory input you only get from physical activity to be happy, healthy, or even vaguely able to deal. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: ABILITY IS MORE THAN THE SUM OF We Are Like Your Child. A lot of the time, when I ask parents and teachers to consider a neurodiversity perspective of autism, or to look for what their children’s strengths may be and not only their deficits, people will retort, “My child doesn’t have any savant skills!”. And so I wanted to address the relationships between whatwe
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SUBMISSION GUIDELINES Some guidelines: 1. This blog prints submissions from disabled people only. Not from non-disabled parents on behalf of their children, or caregivers, just disabled people. This is a collection of our voices. 2. This blog is not the appropriate venue for supercrip/shiny Aspie stories, nor is it a place for tragedy porn. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILDREN? I think I am like your child because I can see a kindred spirit in your child and because a doctor put the same word, autism, on my different way of interacting with the world as a doctor put on your child's ways. I think I am like your child because when I look at your beautiful child, I see a person but also a seed of the person to comeafter
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: RECLAIMING THE DIGNITY LOST IN A Reclaiming the Dignity Lost In A Diagnosis. by Cas Faulds. As an autistic person, I have multiple facets to my identity – just like everyone does. One of those facets is that I am also a parent. My son is autistic, and I know what it is like to sit with professionals and be told how limited your child is. I know what it is like to receive a WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TRANSITIONS: A PROBLEM EXPERIENCED I was very fortunate in that, for me, getting out of undergraduate was a godsend. I don't have significant problems with transitions per se, but they can be hard for a host of secondary reasons - suddenly I'm required to rely on executive functioning I don't have, mainly. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: NIGHT-BLOOMING FLOWERS: SUDDEN A couple of parents who commented were skeptical of the account. While I resented the incident being passed around as inspiration porn by many, it was entirely possible, I argued, that under new and unique circumstances, a kid had displayed an WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SHAME I want to test a theory. The theory of shame going away when it’s out in the open. I seem to have this thing. Which could or might possibly be related to decreased pain sensitivity.Or maybe executive function. I don’t feel my bladder getting full. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SO WHAT IS THIS? We are advocates or activists, we like ourselves, and we bring to you stories of life while disabled that are neither sugar coated nor dripping in tragedy. We are like your child. Your child is like us. And we may have difficulties, we are disabled--but there is no denying that we are also awesome. Posted by Neurodivergent K at 3:48 PM. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: YOU, YES YOU, NEED AUTISTIC FRIENDS. If you have culturally connected Autistic friends, your child also will have a head start on a connection to the community. As he grows older, he will have a life apart from your family. This is a good thing and an essential part of growing up. The Autistic community ishis birthright.
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: I AM AUTISTIC From my doctor’s notes: “Ms. Johnson is an adult at present and some of the observations come from her previous medical records and some from this physician’s personal observation. Ms. Johnson states she can only recall two incidents where she initiated “making friends” with another person. A first grade teacher provided a report to a military physician in 1984 that Ms. Johnson, as a WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: WHY I’M STILL DISABLED, EVEN Here’s the thing: being brilliant and being disabled are not mutually exclusive. You can be intelligent, and still disabled, as well as disabled, and still intelligent. Here’s why. 1. My brain works really differently from most people’s. That doesn’t change no matter how smart I am. No matter how smart I am, my hearing worksdifferently
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TEACHING US TO BE SILENT They teach us how to act the same, but not that we shouldn't need to. They teach us how to fit in, but not how to stand apart. They teach us to be kind, but not how to respond when others aren't. They teach us how to accept, but not when to reject. They teach us the rules, but not when to break them. That's how they teach us to be silent. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: BEYOND "THE TALK" I was a voracious reader, so I would curl up in my beanbag and scour the pages for clues to the mysterious changes that were on the horizon. I think I had many of the same fears, anxieties and curiosities about puberty as my friends had. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: I AM A PUSHMI PULLYU I Am a Pushmi Pullyu. [image description: a pen-and-ink drawing of an animal that looks like the front half of two llamas, attached to one another at the waist. This is the "Pushmi Pullyu" creature from the Doctor Dolittle stories, an animal that gets nowhere WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: CHOOSING YOUR QUESTIONS: DON'T ASK Ask what I think. Ask if I think it went well or badly or so-so. Ask if I have anything I want to say about it. But do not ask me to tell you how I feel about something, and never ask for one feeling word to sum anything up. Just don't do it. If I try, I'm going to wind up melting down (probably at you, that's what I call it when a person actually does become the target of the screaming from a WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: DON'T "ASPIE" ME I REALLY liked your blog post. That said, I wish it hadn't centered around the Aspie debate because I'd love to show the whole 'we are like your child' bit to parents of recently diagnosed children, who probably don't even know there is a debate about Aspies (or what the word means, or possibly even that there was a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome prior to the most recent DSM). WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: PREUSMING COMPETENCE: NOT JUST This is a cross post from Radical Neurodivergence Speaking. As a disabled person, I have experienced failure a lot in my time. I have experienced the kind of failure that can be turned into success by fine tuning the failure. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD This is a function of how you treat the world around you. And when I startle or yelp in pain, other people look at me like I’m weird or frightening or disturbing, if they don’t outright laugh at me. Somehow I’m the one who’s defective when your carelessness gets me hurt. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: A CHECKLIST FOR IDENTIFYING The following is a checklist of questions to address when trying to identify the source of and alleviate aggression on the part of an autistic child or adult. It does not necessarily include every possibility, but is a preliminary checklist of, in our experience, WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SUBMISSION GUIDELINES Some guidelines: 1. This blog prints submissions from disabled people only. Not from non-disabled parents on behalf of their children, or caregivers, just disabled people. This is a collection of our voices. 2. This blog is not the appropriate venue for supercrip/shiny Aspie stories, nor is it a place for tragedy porn. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: I AM A PUSHMI PULLYU I Am a Pushmi Pullyu. [image description: a pen-and-ink drawing of an animal that looks like the front half of two llamas, attached to one another at the waist. This is the "Pushmi Pullyu" creature from the Doctor Dolittle stories, an animal that gets nowhere WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: ABILITY IS MORE THAN THE SUM OF We Are Like Your Child. A lot of the time, when I ask parents and teachers to consider a neurodiversity perspective of autism, or to look for what their children’s strengths may be and not only their deficits, people will retort, “My child doesn’t have any savant skills!”. And so I wanted to address the relationships between whatwe
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: YOU, YES YOU, NEED AUTISTIC FRIENDS. If you have culturally connected Autistic friends, your child also will have a head start on a connection to the community. As he grows older, he will have a life apart from your family. This is a good thing and an essential part of growing up. The Autistic community ishis birthright.
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: NIGHT-BLOOMING FLOWERS: SUDDEN A couple of parents who commented were skeptical of the account. While I resented the incident being passed around as inspiration porn by many, it was entirely possible, I argued, that under new and unique circumstances, a kid had displayed an WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TIME AGNOSIA I don't think this is an uncommon problem, but I do think it's uncommon to have a name for it. I'm significantly time agnosiac. I say agnosiac instead of agnostic because I believe time is a thing, at least for some sense of the word thing. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: AUGUST 2013 I realize that this is the behavior of a small child, but well, I am like your child. And I’m a grown up sized Mommy in (roughly) size tens. If the shoe is poorly padded or has a thin sole, I can feel every variant in the concrete surface of the sidewalk like needles inmy foot.
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: PREUSMING COMPETENCE: NOT JUST This is a cross post from Radical Neurodivergence Speaking. As a disabled person, I have experienced failure a lot in my time. I have experienced the kind of failure that can be turned into success by fine tuning the failure. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD This is a function of how you treat the world around you. And when I startle or yelp in pain, other people look at me like I’m weird or frightening or disturbing, if they don’t outright laugh at me. Somehow I’m the one who’s defective when your carelessness gets me hurt. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: A CHECKLIST FOR IDENTIFYING The following is a checklist of questions to address when trying to identify the source of and alleviate aggression on the part of an autistic child or adult. It does not necessarily include every possibility, but is a preliminary checklist of, in our experience, WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SUBMISSION GUIDELINES Some guidelines: 1. This blog prints submissions from disabled people only. Not from non-disabled parents on behalf of their children, or caregivers, just disabled people. This is a collection of our voices. 2. This blog is not the appropriate venue for supercrip/shiny Aspie stories, nor is it a place for tragedy porn. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: I AM A PUSHMI PULLYU I Am a Pushmi Pullyu. [image description: a pen-and-ink drawing of an animal that looks like the front half of two llamas, attached to one another at the waist. This is the "Pushmi Pullyu" creature from the Doctor Dolittle stories, an animal that gets nowhere WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: ABILITY IS MORE THAN THE SUM OF We Are Like Your Child. A lot of the time, when I ask parents and teachers to consider a neurodiversity perspective of autism, or to look for what their children’s strengths may be and not only their deficits, people will retort, “My child doesn’t have any savant skills!”. And so I wanted to address the relationships between whatwe
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: YOU, YES YOU, NEED AUTISTIC FRIENDS. If you have culturally connected Autistic friends, your child also will have a head start on a connection to the community. As he grows older, he will have a life apart from your family. This is a good thing and an essential part of growing up. The Autistic community ishis birthright.
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: NIGHT-BLOOMING FLOWERS: SUDDEN A couple of parents who commented were skeptical of the account. While I resented the incident being passed around as inspiration porn by many, it was entirely possible, I argued, that under new and unique circumstances, a kid had displayed an WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TIME AGNOSIA I don't think this is an uncommon problem, but I do think it's uncommon to have a name for it. I'm significantly time agnosiac. I say agnosiac instead of agnostic because I believe time is a thing, at least for some sense of the word thing. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: AUGUST 2013 I realize that this is the behavior of a small child, but well, I am like your child. And I’m a grown up sized Mommy in (roughly) size tens. If the shoe is poorly padded or has a thin sole, I can feel every variant in the concrete surface of the sidewalk like needles inmy foot.
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: PREUSMING COMPETENCE: NOT JUST This is a cross post from Radical Neurodivergence Speaking. As a disabled person, I have experienced failure a lot in my time. I have experienced the kind of failure that can be turned into success by fine tuning the failure. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: 2019 After my foot healed, I sought a way to fill the gymnastics shaped hole in my heart and life. I’m one of those people who needs a lot of physical activity and the kind of sensory input you only get from physical activity to be happy, healthy, or even vaguely able to deal. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILDREN? I think I am like your child because I can see a kindred spirit in your child and because a doctor put the same word, autism, on my different way of interacting with the world as a doctor put on your child's ways. I think I am like your child because when I look at your beautiful child, I see a person but also a seed of the person to comeafter
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: I AM A PUSHMI PULLYU I Am a Pushmi Pullyu. [image description: a pen-and-ink drawing of an animal that looks like the front half of two llamas, attached to one another at the waist. This is the "Pushmi Pullyu" creature from the Doctor Dolittle stories, an animal that gets nowhere WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: RECLAIMING THE DIGNITY LOST IN A Reclaiming the Dignity Lost In A Diagnosis. by Cas Faulds. As an autistic person, I have multiple facets to my identity – just like everyone does. One of those facets is that I am also a parent. My son is autistic, and I know what it is like to sit with professionals and be told how limited your child is. I know what it is like to receive a WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: WHY I’M STILL DISABLED, EVEN Here’s the thing: being brilliant and being disabled are not mutually exclusive. You can be intelligent, and still disabled, as well as disabled, and still intelligent. Here’s why. 1. My brain works really differently from most people’s. That doesn’t change no matter how smart I am. No matter how smart I am, my hearing worksdifferently
WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: BEYOND "THE TALK" I was a voracious reader, so I would curl up in my beanbag and scour the pages for clues to the mysterious changes that were on the horizon. I think I had many of the same fears, anxieties and curiosities about puberty as my friends had. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: ON FAILING KINDERGARTEN Image description: A poster with heading "Whole Body Listening!" and subheading "Larry wants to remind you to listen with your entire body." There is a picture of a young boy on the left, and on the right there are things to be done with each part, next to icons representing that body part: Eyes=Look at the person talking to you, Ears=Both ears ready to hear, Mouth=Quiet-no talking, humming WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: PLEASE DON'T RUSH ME. We Are Like Your Child. There is a subfield in educational psychology called risk and resiliency studies, and it is pretty interesting. It is not my field but I keep track of it because the findings of my colleagues here have bearing on the things I do in my work. One of the first things I heard from them which stuck with me is that a major WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: TEACHING US TO BE SILENT They teach us how to act the same, but not that we shouldn't need to. They teach us how to fit in, but not how to stand apart. They teach us to be kind, but not how to respond when others aren't. They teach us how to accept, but not when to reject. They teach us the rules, but not when to break them. That's how they teach us to be silent. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILD: SMALL THINGS MATTER: HUNGER Wow, I definitely relate to this :-) My experience with hunger is a little less intense than yours, but I have been known to have a mom-confounding teary meltdown when too hungry. WE ARE LIKE YOUR CHILDPAGES
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* Submission Guidelines TUESDAY, JULY 30, 2019 MOVEMENT THINGS ARE WEIRD I’m pondering this on my fourth aikido-versary. But movement thingsare weird.
I did gymnastics for many years of my own volition. Indeed, I did gymnastics against the express wishes of my mother. It wasn’t easy. New skills were very rarely easy. But I learned them, a lot of them, and by the time I was forced to retire by illness (and retire from my miraculous comeback by injury), I was quite good. After my foot healed, I sought a way to fill the gymnastics shaped hole in my heart and life. I’m one of those people who needs a lot of physical activity and the kind of sensory input you only get from physical activity to be happy, healthy, or even vaguely able todeal.
One friend was an enthusiastic evangelist for swing dancing, specifically how much I’d love it. Another was a quieter, less direct promoter of aikido as a possible fit. Dojo membership trends expensive. Going to a dance is cheap. I tried swing dancing first. My friend was very much correct: I enjoyed swing dancing. It used movements I was comfortable with from gymnastics and made use of my inability to get dizzy, but it added something: working with a partner. In partner dancing, one person leads and the other follows. I had to learn how to do these things--first how to tell what partner was leading me to do, then eventually I learned to lead too, how to tell a partner what I wanted them to do. I had to learn to keep my body safe from uncontrolled partners, and also how not to anticipate a lead. And I had to learn how to be a controlled partner, how to set distance, how to respect distance, how to communicate clearly and observe partner’s ability to achieve different moves. And the planning. Leading is a lot. But I learned to do the things. I was never a stellar lead. I was a pretty good follow. Unfortunately swing dancers enjoy a lot of bigotry, so it wasn’t an environment I could really stay in (more about that on my personal blog, this isn’t the post for that). I learned how to move while a partner was already moving during my timeas a dancer.
After leaving dance and a period of time with no outlet (during which I was pretty awful to live with, sorry y’all) I tried aikido.And I liked it.
But this is where it gets interesting, at least to me: * The style I ended up in combines the pedantry of gymnastics and the listen to your partner of swing dance and smushes them together. * Had I tried aikido before dance it would have been much harder. You are listening to your partner to either fall or make them fall. That’s a lot more complex psychologically for me than just making a dance. Now, my teachers are absolutely amazing and I’m...uh...driven is a nice word for it, so I would have still learned. But several aspects would have been on a much steeper curve. * Ending up in the school and style that is best for me wasabsolutely luck.
* My amazing teachers in the style that was made for people who brain and body like me has given me the background to visit other schools that do things much differently and understand what I amlooking at.
So that last part is actually kind of a big deal. Allow me toexplain.
A couple of months after starting training, I visited my friend’s dojo. It’s their fault I started training, after all, I should spread out the frustration of attempting to teach me. Everyone was very kind, but I struggled mightily. The format was different than I was used to, and I was accustomed to being given exact angles for things and talked through the first couple attempts of a technique. This was not that. It was much more “figure it out with your partner” and “move your feet as much as you need to”. I cannot stress enough that the students and teachers were very kind and patient, but I was a bit of a mess. I didn’t have the base layer to succeed in that kind of environment. It wasn’t particularly accessible, no matter how kind and patient and welcoming everyone was. A year or 2 after that I visited a dojo that is a style closely related to mine. That was much easier. They still did some things differently, but the format of class was familiar and they gave me exact angles. Again, everyone was very kind and welcoming (aikido people tend to be in my experience) but it took a lot less patience on their part. It was a new place and new people, thus scary, but it was cognitively accessible. I had the foundations. But the background built. A few months back I took a class at another dojo similar to my friend’s. The format was still very different than I am used to. It was still people I did not know. They still weren’t giving me the instructions I am accustomed to. But I had enough background built in, grown through trying things communicated in a K friendly way, to see what they were asking me to do. It was still hard. I will never move in a go with the flow, just turn as far as you need to, kind of way. But I didn’t embarrass myself and my teachers and everyone who has ever tried to teach me to do anything with my body. It was still less accessible, but with the years of training and learning to use my body, I could move in that environment with a manageable amount of difficulty. If you had told me after the class I took with my friend that in a few years I’d be able to learn something (as opposed to ‘not hurt myself or someone else’) in a class with that format I wouldn’t have believed you. Jumping falls? Seemed attainable, because they’re related to something I already could do. Footwork without names? Not so much. Footwork without names that is open ended because you have to feel what someone else is doing? Absolutely not. But I could.Eventually.
Kinesthetic knowledge is just really interesting. And people don’t think about building a base for it the way they think about learning basic math concepts before advanced math concepts, or the alphabet before learning to read, or thousands of other academic examples. Hundreds of people every day access aikido environments that I struggled in without a decade of gymnastics, several years of dance, and 3 years of more step by step aikido training first. But some of us do need to learn the components step by step first, and that’s ok. I’m never going to want to transition to a place where that’s not the norm, even if I can visit. It’s not as easefully accessible to me. But it did help me learn to use my body in more freeform environments, and that’s super cool to me. Because kinesthetic knowledge is underappreciated yet super awesome. Posted by Neurodivergent Kat 9:31 PM
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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2018 CALL FOR GUEST POST SUBMISSIONS! We Are Like Your Child is seeking new guest post submissions for our main blog page! While we have a team of regular contributors, we are always looking to share guest work and new perspectives! WALYC is a group blog dedicated to countering the misunderstanding that autism/disability acceptance means pretending that our struggles and challenges aren’t real or significant. This is where we talk about what our real challenges are, and how we strategize, problem solve, adapt, and work with them to build satisfying, sustainable lives as disabled people. Our values are that it’s okay to be disabled, it’s okay to be disabled and like yourself, and that there are many different and valid ways to be “successful” as an autistic and disabled person that don’t involve “overcoming” autism, recovery, or indistinguishability. Some possible topics include, but are by no means limited to: Executive functioning, sleep issues, movement/motor planning challenges, sensory and auditory processing issues, navigating relationships, sexuality, gender, parenthood, higher education, or employment as an autistic person, issues with seeking healthcare; code-switching, scripting, and other ways of navigating language, AAC, meltdown prevention/recovery, strategies for academic success and seeking formal or informal accommodations, housing issues, financial issues, autism and pregnancy/childbirth, etc. -Author must be autistic or disabled, and writing about your ownexperiences
-We are especially interested in sharing the work of autistic people of color, non-speaking people and AAC users -Guest posts are uncompensated at this time; WALYC is an all-volunteercollaboration.
-Submissions should be e-mailed as a Word attachment to wearelikeyourchild@gmail.com, or to the inbox of our Facebook page, with a short note introducing yourself. We look forward to hearingfrom you!
Posted by chavisory
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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2017 SOMETIMES IT'S NOT ME. IT'S YOU. This isn’t what I wanted to be writing today. It’s not even halfway through my day, and I am _completely_ fucking fed up with non-autistic people’s utter carelessness about the world around them. I’m sitting in a coffee shop that I normally like a lot. I nearly always have to leave my apartment and go out to a café in order to really get anything done—there’s too much available distraction in my apartment between the internet and all my books and art supplies and a hundred things that need doing around the house at home. So I go out. It’s Sunday, which makes it harder. Places will be more crowded. Some don't allow computers on weekends. My usual favorites won’t have seats at all, and weekend crowds (containing more families and small children) are louder and rowdier than weekday ones (who are mostly students and freelance writers). It’s also spitting freezing rain outside, so I don’t want to walk very far, and also I need to eat before work, so I need to be able to get back in time to do that. This place is right off a subway stop and almost always has seats even on weekends even though it’s on the smaller side. Something is wrong with the pneumatic thingamajig that controls the front door’s opening and closing, though, and if someone opens it and then just lets it go at the outside of its arc instead of easing it closed, it slams with a painful metallic . There’s a sign on both sides of the door asking patrons to be careful with it, but about 75% of them don’t read it. Or maybe they do but they don’t think it applies to them personally. Or they aren’t taking the moment it would require to integrate the verbal information contained in the sign with the physical information conveyed by the fact that the resistance just feels wrong when you pull the door open in order to conclude that they need to be careful about how they close the door...to glean the kind of physical information from their environment that I _have_ to be doing _constantly_.I don’t know.
I start trying to warn people who I see enter and let go of the door, but most of them still don’t understand until it’s too late if they hear and understand me at all. The barista starts trying to warn people, too, with only a slightly improved rate of success. Finally he sends another employee to try to jerry-rig a temporaryfix.
It doesn’t work.
They try again about 15 minutes later.No luck.
Every time it seems like people are getting the hang of it andI start to relax, .
Within a few minutes, my head hurts, my ears hurt, my brain feels like it’s bleeding, my eyes hurt, my hands hurt, and every nerve in my body stands on end every time somebody reaches forthe door handle.
I’m reading, or trying to, a book that I’m really enjoying, by an author who’s a particular favorite of mine, and I resent _bottomlessly_ that my experience of it, my ability to sink myself into the rhythms of his words, is being fractured like this. Ironically, it’s a book about disability and cure culture. A woman waiting for her drink knocks a ceramic mug off of its counter display and it falls to the tile floor and {CRASH} shatters. Yeah, I could “just go somewhere else,” requiring, at this point, a long walk in the freezing rain, for no guarantee there’s even a seat free in another café in all of upper Manhattan or that there won’t just be a different or worse issue wherever I wind up, or that I don’t just end up going home, whereupon I have wasted my _whole_ entire fucking afternoon in_transitioning_.
-Putting on/taking off boots, scarf, gloves, coat, hat, backpack, headphones -Make sure I have keys and Metrocard andchapstick
-Leaving/arriving/getting on the train/getting off the train/coming in/negotiating enough room to sit/sitting down/getting settled/unpacking/packing up to leave -From misery to misery, from getting nothing done to getting nothing done to getting my focus shattered again and again and again until even though I’ve had seven whole hours between waking up today and having to be at work, I have nothing to show for it except for a headache that neither Advil nor alcohol will relieve and wet jeans, cold feet, a short temper, exhaustion, and inability to control my tone of voice which will now only be held against me, because _I still have to go to work_after this.
Yes, I have earplugs. Firing range grade earplugs, as it happens. They muffle the sound of the continuous door-slamming somewhat, but not the physical sensation of it, or the randomness, which are equally debilitating factors. My day is going to be ruined even though I have done nothing wrong and made no mistakes here. We use this blog to talk about our problem-solving, our resilience, our creativity, our self-accommodation and how those things make us successful by our own standards, but, like, sometimes there’s justno way around this:
I need _you_ to be more careful. I need _you_ to pay more attention to the world around you and how itworks.
I need _you_ to watch your volume and where you are in space. I need _you_ to stop fucking with knobs on sound systems you don’tunderstand.
I need _you_ to stop slamming shit and breaking shit and dropping shit and dragging furniture and not watching where you’re going. This cannot, _cannot_, always be on me alone. That I can do everything right, take _every_ precaution to protect myself, short of just never leaving my room (and _then_ I would doubtless be told that I was “letting my diagnosis limit me” or “using it as an excuse”), and still wind up hurt, sick, melting down, my ability to function for the rest of the day or the week ruined, not because of _my_ autism, but because _you_ don’t have any stakes in being more fucking careful about how you go stomping through the world. It cannot just be my fault for existing and, like, daring to think I might be able to do something _wild_ like go out for coffee before work without destroying myself. I say things like "of course we want better treatments for things like anxiety," but my anxiety or rigidity are not the problems here; they are instilled and necessitated by my need to protect myself from _your_ chaos and noisemaking and unreliability. This is not just my inability to live in the world or deal with other people; this is not just that it’s hard to live in a city (although it is). This is a function of how _you_ treat the worldaround you.
And when I startle or yelp in pain, other people look at me like _I’m_ weird or frightening or disturbing, if they don’t outright laugh at me. Somehow _I’m_ the one who’s defective when _your_ carelessness gets me hurt. I have to spend most of my days doing complex, multi-variable calculations like this about how to get through a day; this takes up an _unholy_ proportion of the mental bandwidth that I spend planning my life, and it is never, ever enough, and you know what? At some point, it’s not me, it’s you.Posted by chavisory
at 9:56 PM
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TUESDAY, APRIL 19, 2016I AM INCONVENIENT
Reprinted from Yes, That Too Gifted students are inconvenient. They get bored, sometimes hyper because of their boredom. They want to know _why_ things work, not just what you do. Or they are gifted in one specific area that isn't covered much, and they drag that area into _everything_. Disabled students are inconvenient. How varies by disability. The student who uses a wheelchair takes up more space in the hall. The student who is blind needs braille textbooks, a screen reader,maybe both.
Because these disabilities are visible, are obvious, something is done (not necessarily something good- exclusion is often the thing.) They get their wheelchair, or they get their braille, or they get sent to a special school where everyone is blind and everyone uses braille and it's not even a special accommodation. You can't pretend it doesn't exist simply because it is _inconvenient_ to deal with. You decide to do nothing about it, but you can't pretend it's notthere.
Autistic? Depressed? OCD? They don't want to deal with that. So it just doesn't exist. We don't have those problems here. They do, of course, but they pretend it's not there. With no obvious difference, nothing you can see that says there is something different, they can pretend. They can pretend that we are making things up. They can pretend that we are just being difficult. They can pretend that we are simply lazy. They can pretend that our _inconvenient behaviors_ are there for anyreason at all.
So it is for a reason which makes it purely our fault. So it is for a reason that does not require accommodation or education, but shame and punishment. It exists, but they can pretend it doesn't. And then we pretend it doesn't exist either, not wanting to face what they dish out when we try to make them see what is in front of theireyes.
Disability becomes an _inconvenient_ part of ourselves that we would simply rather ignore, and then they have won. I refuse. I will be _inconvenient_, and they will just have to deal with it.Posted by Alyssa
at 12:00 AM
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THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 2016 ISN'T IT TIME TO LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE? Reprinted from Yes, That Too
because one of the other moderators totally said I should. I get asked this... sometimes. Most recently, I got asked this when I said I planned to stay in the same housing I'd had for undergrad through my doctoral program, since I'll be staying at the sameuniversity for it.
And yes, it is time to leave my comfort zone! I'm moving from mathematics, which has been a bit of a home to me since ever, and mechanical engineering, which I studied as an undergraduate, to neuroscience and computer engineering. That's a departure from my comfort zone. I'm walking a bit into the lion's den to be on a project designing technology _for_ autistic people, likely working with parents and autism professionals in addition to my major professors. (I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to talk to parents and professionals, actually, since, as per usual, folks are thinking about _children_ and since I'm apparently the autism expert on the team in addition to the technology and neuroscience know-how I'll be picking up during my studies.) That's an even bigger departure from mycomfort zone.
My living arrangements are _not_ the way it's time to leave my comfort zone. There's a few reasons for that. Reason the first: Too many things changing at once is really hard for me! If I'd gotten into, say, MIT or Berkeley or some of the other schools I applied to, I'd have _had_ to change my living arrangements in order to attend those schools. Since it would have been necessary, I'd have done it, but since it's _not_ necessary, change for the sake of change and leaving my comfort zone is not going to be happening. I stick to changes that have good reasons, becausechange is hard.
Reason the second: My needs in terms of daily living might not be particularly complicated, but if they are not being met, _bad things happen_. I need easy access to food without needing to think much about how I'm getting said food or what I'm eating. That means I need a meal plan. My current housing comes with a meal plan, which is good. I _also_ need to be able to avoid loud, bright places full of people. The main dining halls are definitely loud, bright places full of people, and we're not allowed to take our food out of the dining hall. Like many others, I know how to smuggle food out of the dining hall anyways, but when I am overloaded enough that I need to take my food out, the extra steps involved in doing so are going to be a problem. That means I should really be on a meal plan where I can take my food out of the dining hall. My current housing's meal plan allows this! So my current housing meets those needs, and finding other ways to meet those needs is effort that I don't need to make right now. Reason the third: I don't drive. I passed my road test about two weeks ago now, so I legally _can _drive, but over in reality-land I _don't_ drive. Driving tends to knock out my ability to speak, often for an hour or two after I'm done driving. (Even though I have no issues with going to class, work, or practice while non-speaking, I won't _knowingly do things that make me lose speech_ for class, work, or practice.) Given that public transportation around the university is extant but not great, that means I should be living oncampus.
In combination, these reasons mean I should stay put. It's actually tricky to find housing on campus as a graduate student, and the on campus options _for_ graduate students don't come with meal plans _at all_. It's possible to buy individual meals at the main dining hall (or at my current housing, though we don't get to take food out when we're buying individual meals as non-residents,) but having that as "one more option" as opposed to "the default I don't need to think about" won't actually increase the probability of myeating meals.
So yes, I should leave my comfort zone sometimes. I should also think carefully and critically about when, where, and how I leave my comfortzone.
Posted by Alyssa
at 12:02 PM
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SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2015 MOVEMENT TEACHERS: I AM YOUR DREAM STUDENT. I AM YOUR NIGHTMARE STUDENT. (CROSSPOST) > _I highly doubt anyone who has or will endeavor to teach me movement > things will ever read this, but on the off chance they do. It may > also help someone else who is trying to teach sports or dance or > other similar things to someone who does movement like I do. _ Movement teachers: on the surface I am your dream student. I'll walk in. You'll show me basics. Or have someone show me basics. They will do them at the same time I do, so I can exactly follow. I'm echopraxic, you see. If I have someone to exactly follow? I can do that. I can make my body do exactly what they do--or as close to exactly as different builds allow. You will probably think that I am talented. I probably am not. I am echopraxic and I have a big library of movement to draw from. So as long as I have someone to follow I can look comfortable with thethings.
You may be tempted to skip steps. You may forget there's things I haven't learned. I know how to do a lot of things with my body because of years of dance, gymnastics, & team sports. This is why I can give you the impression I have an aptitude: because if it is on the ground or in the air I have probably done something similar. I've done gymnastics. I've spun a flag & marched at the same time. I've done some ridiculous number of styles of dance. I've played basketball on feet and on wheels. Whatever you're showing me, I'm sure to have a bit of muscle memory that relates enough that I can copy you or moreadvanced people.
Here's where I'm your nightmare: I can only copy for a substantial amount of time. Yes, I can do exactly what someone else is doing while they do it. But until I've over learned the movement, I will be inconsistent. Things will be in the wrong place. Things will be in bafflingly wrong places the first 200 times I try to do the thing without mimicking. The next 200 times I have to talk myself through it. I may say one thing and do another. I will find new & exciting ways to do the wrong thing. Did you skip steps? Or forget that I hadn't learned a thing? This nightmare trait you can blame other movement instructors for, as it isn't a natural part of my makeup : I will still try to copy. I will still try to figure it out without asking. I may not know how to do the thing, but if you're asking me to I am going to think I'm supposed to. I know I haven't been taught it, but asking has rarely gone well. Clearly someone who knows what they're talking about thinks I already know it. Asking gets all sorts of belittling when you're asking about something 'easy' and can do things that are 'hard'. I do not need that in my life. It's easier to watch, copy, approximate. It may be more physically dangerous but I am more confident in my ability to avoid injury with my body than I am with instructors' ability to not be a jerk if I can't do something they forgot to teach me. It takes a very long time for me to get things consistently in my motor memory. I'll do it extremely well Monday. I'll do it extremely well Wednesday. Friday it'll be all wrong. My body forgets which way to go, or which foot I do things with, or what order things happen in. It doesn't just forget new things. It forgets old things. A couple years ago my body forgot how to do a backhandspring--something I've been doing well over half my life. And I am your surreal dream: I'll learn to approximate skills. They'll be okay if I talk myself through them. Or maybe I can't do the skills at all. And then for some reason I won't even attempt them for months. Suddenly I get the ball at that spot I can't shoot from, or that dance move will become relevant. Without hesitating, thinking, anything my body will do it. It may even do it flawlessly. And you'll be confused. You didn't think I was holding out on you but maybe I was. I was not holding out on you. My motor planning really works that way. Sometimes I have to hack it by putting myself in a position where doing something automatically is the easy option. Thinking about it hasn't worked, but letting natural movement suddenly lets my body dowhat it knows.
I may lose skills or movement patterns that are easy, but not the more complicated ones. There may be rhyme and reason to this, but I haven't been able to find it & neither has anyone else. I can tell you why specific combinations of movements or individual skills are hard but not why I lose things. We're back to why, if you are willing to work with me, I'm your dreamstudent:
I'm motivated. If I stick around long enough to master something that confused me, you are likely stuck with me. I don't stop doing things because they're hard; I was the kid who couldn't write my name. Who literally tripped on my own feet. Who couldn't organize movement well enough to get a book out of a desk without spilling its entire contents. Who couldn't kick the ball in kickball or serve in volleyball. Who only made the basketball team because it's no cut. Who got dropped from basic level tumbling classes until I spent a couple years with a book in the park painstakingly teaching myself cartwheels & walkovers, because no one else thought I could learn it. Who could not eat my food without also wearing it. None of that is exaggeration. I was born dyspraxic. I no longer function as dyspraxic. I _rewired my brain on my own_. You have not met motivation & stubbornness until you have met me. In my life as a movement teacher, I say "hard work beats talent because hard work shows up" and I will always show up. I may get frustrated, but I want to work through it. I've made "beating my coordination challenges into submission" a way of life, & I will continue showing up unless you make me unwelcome. In which case I will take my motivation, stubbornness, always trying to be better somewhere else. But "hard work beats talent because hard work shows up" applies on all sides here, & take it from me, beating talent with hard work starts as a nightmare but it turns into a pretty sweet dream. > _This is cross posted from Radical Neurodivergence Speaking> _
Posted by Neurodivergent Kat 4:18 PM
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THURSDAY, JULY 23, 2015 RECLAIMING THE DIGNITY LOST IN A DIAGNOSISby Cas Faulds
As an autistic person, I have multiple facets to my identity – just like everyone does. One of those facets is that I am also a parent. My son is autistic, and I know what it is like to sit with professionals and be told how limited your child is. I know what it is like to receive a diagnostic report that includes horribly negative words about deficits, and I know what it is like to have to explain that to other people in your child’s life including teachers andfamily members.
So, based on that, I would like to offer some advice to parents who have gone through this process that I wish someone had given me when Iwas there.
Take the diagnostic report, full of the language of the pathology paradigm, and reword it to reflect the neurodiversity paradigm.HOW?
The best way that I can explain this is to give you an example:From a report:
> X appears to have impairments in communication and social > interactions. In addition, he was reported to have several > restricted and repetitive behaviors. Specifically, he was noted to > have difficulties engaging in a social conversation, high pitched > vocal tone, impairments in use of eye contact, difficulties > socializing and interacting with other children, and limited > emotional reciprocity. He also collects rocks, has an inflexible > adherence to routines, displays heightened sensitivities to light > and loud noises, and finds it hard to cope with changes to his daily> routine.
No, that doesn’t say anything positive at all! So, how can I reword this to say something positive? > X has differences in his communication style and social > interactions. He prefers to engage in behaviors that are > comfortable for him. Specifically, these include conversations > that remain on topic and relevant to him. He prefers not to make > eye contact because it is uncomfortable for him, and he prefers > interacting with children who are older or younger than him, rather > than only interacting with his age mates who can be less > predictable. He loves collecting rocks because he is interested in > the different shapes and substances that rocks are composed of. X > prefers predictability in his daily routine, and enjoys being in > sensory friendly environments.Why?
Why should you do this? Why go to the effort of rewriting a professional report? Because you are going to have to introduce your child to teachers and therapists and you’re going to have to do that more than once. When you do, you want to do that from a place of strength rather than a place of weakness. You want to highlight your child’s unique potential rather than place limitations on them, and you don’t want to have to confront all those negative words every time you do this. This way, you have the words you need to ensure that your child receives the support that he/she needs without tradingin his/her dignity.
As an autistic person, I wish that my parents had accepted me for being me, rather than trying so hard to make me into their version of me. Their efforts to make me into their version of me were unsuccessful but it did result in me feeling as though there were things wrong with me. For my son, I want him to be able to be him, without having other people give him the message that there is something wrong with him. This way of introducing him to people who will work with him sets the tone from the beginning that you value I value my son for exactly who he is and I will not allow them to try tochange him.
Posted by chavisory
at 11:09 AM
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